24 types of mom friends

for mother's day, let's honor our homies

I am on a high from a week-long trip in another country. It was special to me because three of my friends who never met each other before got along swimmingly. When I planned the getaway, I had much to consider about the group dynamic. Who can leave their jobs and families for a long period of time? Will their personalities mesh? How does everyone adventure and travel? What’s our sense of humor? Is everyone a ‘yes’ woman? Because I am!

I couldn’t have curated a better group of mamas who came from all stages of my adulthood; during college, at an old job, and after I became a mom.

I loved Emma Gannon’s 18 different types of friends and this trip got me thinking about the different types of mom friends.

My compilation is inspiration from my friends, and I’ve added several more with help from moms who have younger and older children. I have friends who can fit under one or many of these categories. While you scroll through, I hope you have fun thinking of your mom friends.

Am I missing any types? Comment with more examples. If you don’t have kids, do you have friends that are mothers and how would you describe them?

1. You’re friends but your kids aren’t. You enjoy each other but your kids are meh together so only you two hang out. For those with little ones, it’s a win because you can actually have an uninterrupted conversation. For moms of older ones, kids can grow out of their earlier childhood friendships and it’s beautiful to see their moms remain friends over the years.

2. Your kids are friends but you aren’t (and that’s OK). We don’t have to be friends with everyone. It’s nice for just the kids to play and hang out.

3. True love. That mom friend who gets you. You click, you are mom mates. She can come over and see the real you; your house can be messy, you can be stinky, and your kids are zombies from watching way too much TV. She knows the good, especially the bad. And you feel confident she knows all the layers of you.

4. The acquaintance. She’s the one you say hi to at drop off and pick up, never any real talk. You respect each other but haven’t taken the next step for more in friendship. It may happen later or may not happen and that’s cool, too!

5. Childhood friend. It’s fun to think of your childhood friendship and witness each other raising kids of your own.

6. Working mom badass. You’re in awe of this woman who lands deals, or manages teams, runs a company, works for herself, or pursues a career — and puts in the time for her family, and your friendship.

7. Work-the-home badass. This reminds me, we need a better term for “stay at home mom.” Studies have shown some moms work 92 hours a week managing the home, family, and kids. Angela Garbes, a fellow Filipina and author of Essential Labor (everyone should read it!) entered her work managing the home and family in the Invisible Labor Calculator, created by a journalist using Bureau of Labor Statistics data. The calculator told her annual wage should be $300,000!

8. Facebook group mom friend. You met on the Internet because you didn’t know what the heck you were doing with this child of yours and needed help from an online community. You joined a group of like-minded moms to get support, advice (when you ask for it), and a forum to spill your frustrations and fuck ups.

9. The one-sided friendship. You’re always the one to check in or arrange to hang out. Maybe they only contact you for a favor or don’t think to reach out to you unless you initiate the conversation. The effort is one-sided and a waste. Who has time for lopsided energy? I don’t!

10. Regular friends first, mom friends second. You became friends as adults first before having kids, watching each other earn promotions at work, landing internships, or earn degrees in college. Now you get to share new milestones together as moms.

11. The PhD mom. She’s the veteran, a real pro. This mom has several kids, or older kids, or several older kids. She knows much more than you and makes you feel like a fool for stressing about your trivial problems. You can talk to her for perspective and you’re grateful for the wisdom.

12. Sports mom friend. The soccer mom, jiu-jitsu mom, football mom, gymnastics mom. She’s the mom you can rely on sitting next to at the 500 million practices and games, recitals, tournaments, etc.

13. The long distance friend. She’s a good friend you check in on, maybe plan trips in places between your locations. In the meantime, you talk on the phone, you text, you connect on social media. The distance is wide but the connection is still tight.

14. The local friend who will always help you when you’re pooping or puking. Or she’ll watch your kids. Drop off soup when your whole family is down. She’s the friend you can trust will help a mama out, when needed.

15. Circle of friends. Mom friends that do stuff as a group. Planned dinners, invites to parties, any planned group outing. You may find your relationship is with the group and you may not hang out with folks here individually.

16. The planner. She jumps at the opportunity to plan and delegate. You can trust she will hold down the fort, organize the fort, and execute the entire thing. And you thank her for it so you don’t have to do it.

17. The train wreck. This hot mess can’t get it together. She’s typically late, never knows what’s going on. Miss frazzle dazzle. Someone help this woman!

18. The gossip. There’s several types of gossip friends. She could be someone you can trust to talk all kinds of shit and she won’t say a word. She could be the one who always has the breaking news and shares the scoop. Be careful about hanging around gossips and set those boundaries.

19. Cosmic connection. This one might be very specific to me. One day, I had a terrible morning with my kids, yelled at them and felt massive guilt. After I dropped them off at school, I saw a friend parked in her car in town as I was walking to my yoga class. She looked at me and asked how I was doing and I blurted out, “NOT GOOD!” Turns out she had a bad morning, too. We stopped, briefly went over our terrible mornings, cried, and hugged. We’ve been hanging out more since.

20. Sister-mom friend. No, this isn’t a polygamist thing. I’m talking about those of us who have sisters or close female family members we can go to for mom mentorship. While we’re at it, everyone needs a mom mentor, even if they aren’t family.

21. The childless friend. Thank god for the friends I can hang out with and not talk about kids and mothering all the time. While we’re at it, go find yourself a mom friend who won’t talk about kids and mothering all the time.

22. The single mom. How the heck does she do it? Obviously, with super mom powers. For the moms doing it solo full-time, or the moms whose partners are away for long periods of time, like firefighters or military, this one is for you.

23. The divorced mom. When she’s going through it, there’s ways you can show support while they figure this all out, like help them pack in a move, bring a meal, and just listen.

24. The mom-figure. This one is for all the caregivers, whether it’s a babysitter, nanny, grandmother, aunt or teacher. We are lucky to be friends with the ones who care for children who aren’t their own.

I’m coming out with a podcast with my friend, Vanessa Anderson. It releases on Sunday, May 14, Mother’s Day. One of our early episodes focuses on friendships.

Check us out on Instagram: Real Mother Fuckers.