Do we need religion?

A recipe for my ideal church

With Easter behind us, I’ve been filled with memories, thoughts and opinions on religion. I was raised Catholic, went to church every Sunday, and attended catechism classes. Growing up, our religion and traditions around Catholicism strengthened our family. I believe, for some, a “family that prays together stays together” is a true statement. Religion can be beautiful and necessary.

But can it be for everyone?

Religion also served as a huge wedge between our extended family. My grandma and other family members who helped raise me, converted from Catholicism to another religion. While we had a loving relationship, our families butt heads. We didn’t celebrate the same holidays and passionate conversations led to arguments about the resistance to convert.

It was a confusing situation to witness and made me question God. Then I was faced with hardship in my teens, which is when I began decoupling from my religion.

I was at a crossroads; do what I believed was right for me, my body, my life, my future but fear punishment in the afterlife, or dishonor what I knew was best for my life and conform to the laws of my religion. I chose the former and felt guilt for choosing myself. It has taken me many years to realize this guilt was misguided.

How can I feel good about going to church when this house of God made me feel terrible for choosing and protecting myself?

As I hear about other religions, I observe many of them have similarities. Many are rooted in guilt. I see lots of talk about how to live a God-fearing life. I notice rules do not fit into our modern society, like condemning same sex coupling and sex before marriage, and establishments against women’s and reproductive rights. When I see religion pitted unfavorably because of laws promoting exclusion rather than inclusion, I imagine God wants to tell us there has been a big mistake and we’ve been misinterpreting the whole point.

“That’s not what I meant!” I imagine God shouting from the clouds, as he/she/it reminds us to seek goodness, respect others, and be kind.

Unfortunately, religion can be a hypocrisy of these values.

Which leads me to another question. Do we need to believe in God or a higher power to be saved and go to heaven? I know many who do not believe in God and they walk this earth with strong values. Many of these values are similar to those in religious households. Let’s say there is a heaven and one walks like Jesus but doesn’t believe in Jesus, or chose the “right” religion. Why can’t they be allowed entry at the gates in the afterlife? Again, I feel like a big misinterpretation is happening here.

If you were wondering, I believe in God or a higher power. I pray to something who created this chaos, universe, and watches over me. But I also know what I pray to may not be there and may not exist.

I’m good with not knowing.

Some of my reads on spirituality, religion, energy, healing.

Dr. Shefali Tsabary, a clinical psychologist, says this about God,

“Curiosity is wisdom the clever human thinks it knows. The intelligent one is willing to entertain the doubt that maybe it doesn't know. The wise one knows that it can never know. The wise one knows that it is fully whole and complete without the knowing.”

In the same vein, I choose to teach my kids power and divinity is on the inside, and they are whole and complete the way they are. I believe in finding empowerment from our inner selves, rather than seek it from the outside, or from a higher power. They may leave my nest with differing spiritual beliefs and I hope I can teach them one constant; they are exactly who they are meant to be, they are whole and complete, no matter what they believe.

When my first born was younger, we went to a few churches and places of worship because I was unsure of my spiritual path. I didn’t find one I felt connected to and so I’ve spent the last few years with an open mind and do not subscribe to one church.

I find many beliefs and traditions beautiful so I take bits and pieces and choose what makes sense for me and my family.

RSVP not required to my spiritual smorgasbord

With all the soul searching though, I have pondered my ideal church. What it would look like and feel like, who could attend?

So here goes. Get ready for my extreme opportunist views. I guess my ideal church, in an essence, could be for all.

The Spiritual Buffet

I envision this church like a Sizzler. Pick and choose your beliefs and how much to place on your plate. For example, someone can add a big heaping spoonful of Buddhist teachings with a dash of Christian commandments, and a side of prioritizing Mother Nature. You can come fully subscribed to one religion, learn about your neighbors and find the goodness in them, even if they don’t walk your exact path.

It is a place anyone can attend and be who they are, love who they want. This church’s core is open mindedness.

If you don’t believe in a higher power, you are especially welcome because this is a place in which we find faith in ourselves, in others. We can choose to focus on something greater than us, whether it’s a God, or nature, or something else centering you.

Sermons would be like a TED Talk, with a rotation of people from a mix of backgrounds and beliefs. They speak to make you think. They tell enriching stories and share different points of view.

The goal of the church is for everyone to feel welcome and feel love, to expand their mindset, to learn about values, to feel deeply connected to those values, or find new values in which they wish to connect. We will meditate, learn breath work and pray.

This church will be educational, invite others from various religious backgrounds. A major rule is any goals to convert others must be left at the door.

My ideal church is a place where we can worship and honor our lives and uplift each other for our common goals to live fully, to treat others how we want to be treated, to honor the lives we’re living so we can feel good about the path we walked in this lifetime.

We can reach for heaven, or reincarnation, or find peace in the possibility of something else.

The pessimist in me thinks it’s impossible for such a church to exist. Have you seen a church like this?