Does what motivates you matter?
Does what motivates you matter?
3 ways to get your butt out of bed easier
It’s amazing what truths come out when you visit your hair stylist. Mine also happens to be my friend and, in her black swivel chair, I unleashed a bomb.
I told her I wake up at 5 almost every morning, with a routine: yoga, meditation, journaling, and reading a book. I know. You hate me! I’m one of those people now!
It started late last year when my husband read a book, called The 5 AM Club. I watched him engulfed, highlighting paragraphs, ear marking the book. Must be good, I thought. Soon he started to wake at 5 without an alarm, sat straight up and walked out of our bedroom, so stealth in his habit.
Then the kids and I got up around 6:30-7, lazily made it down the hallway into the kitchen. He’d come in from his 5 a.m. regimen practically skipping. The man waltzed in from the garage, where his gym and his office are located, sweaty from his workout, beaming, smiling. That chipper mood got to me.
When he finished the book, I read it.
After going through a couple pages, I was worried. Does my husband have terrible taste in literature? It’s one of the worst written books I’ve read in my life. It has a corny storyline and tone and the writing is just bad. It’s clear this is on purpose (I hope it’s on purpose?!) but I could not fathom reading text like this for another few hundred pages. He agreed about the quality of writing – thank god he knew this – but, in the end, the book worked because it got his butt up each day.
Bad writing aside, a good collection of quotes in the book inspired me. The simple premise is the importance of dedicating the early morning to yourself, where you make this time for personal growth. Surprisingly, I read the entire book, too. I can’t decide if I recommend it because of its dreadful fiction but I have been waking at 5 pretty consistently since early December. Something in it clicked for me, I can’t deny it.
As I looked at my friend through the mirror, combing my hair, she asked me how I do it. How do I get up and get myself out of bed, when it’s dark, and cold, and way too early? Why would I want to leave my warm, safe cocoon where I can cash in on more than an hour of dreamland?
By this point, I hadn’t really told anyone about my new morning routine so no one had asked me this question.
It wasn’t the benefits of getting up early, like having time for myself, more energy and drive to start my day. It wasn’t about how I got to accomplish more while the sun was rising.
No, that is not what propelled me out of my bed.
The truth is, I don’t want to lose to my husband. There, I said it.
If he gets out of bed at 5 and I don’t, I lose. He wins. Granted, we are playing a game he’s not participating in. Hey, I get it, I look petty. It’s not that I don’t want to see my partner winning. I am happy for him. I wanted to be happy for myself, too.
When I started waking at 5 a.m., I’d say most of my motivation was to not lose in this imaginary playing field. Eventually as it became routine and I saw the benefits, my motivation has shifted. I now get out of bed early because it’s a habit and I see all the cool things it has done for me mentally, emotionally, physically.
I wonder, does it matter what motivates us? If it gets us to do the “right” thing, then do we need to care?
I’ve been thinking a lot about what drives us. What gets us out of bed, how we parent our kids, how we decide to navigate our careers, or how we shape our households. What pushes us to do the hard things?
Here are three ways to look at motivation. Sometimes we don’t examine what motivates us until we don’t have any motivation at all, or if we find ourselves not taking the steps toward what we want to accomplish. If you examine it when you aren’t down, think of how it can move you in the right direction.
Shall we begin?
1) Who cares what motivates you, if that’s what gets you to do it
Researchers have found that motivation comes from two places. One is called intrinsic motivation, which is when you do something for the feeling of reward within you. Extrinsic motivation is when you do something because you want to earn an external reward or avoid punishment.
I initially had the drive to get out of bed because I needed the internal reward of not losing to my husband. I understand this sounds completely silly. But it got me to a place to see some real benefits.
Lack of motivation is common for so many of us. Do we need to care about the quality of the carrot dangling in front of us if it gets us where we ultimately need to go?
When we exercise, it looks good on paper to say that our motivation is to feel healthy or to be stronger. But is that what will get you to that workout class? Maybe the motivator is that you don’t want to lose the $20 you paid, or you look forward to seeing that cute person’s butt at the front of class, or that you posted all about your “New Year, New You” resolutions on social media and you need to save face.
Get honest with yourself and it’s OK if your reason is silly or petty. If it gets you going, you do you!
2) Know your motivation then redefine it
As I thought more deeply about what motivates me, it had me redefining everything. These are all great motivators for why I do what I do: I want my kids to have a better childhood. I want a more flexible job and career. A good marriage.
But what if we better articulate what drives us?
I wake up every day to do my best as a mom because… I want my kids to grow up feeling safe with us knowing that they can be who they are meant to be, not a projection of my expectations of them.
I write every day because… I want a career that challenges me and allows me to constantly grow.
I show up in my marriage because… I want us to support each other in our lives together, as parents, and our own individual lives.
It’s a valuable practice to sit with what motivates us and fully understand what drives us. Have you tried writing down your “why?”
3) Be a confident bitch by ignoring #1 and #2
It’s called “how to become a CONFIDENT B*TCH.”
This is such a cool take on encouraging us to take action. She talks about how we don’t necessarily need to be confident to do hard things. Whether it’s introducing ourselves when we’re shy, or finally taking the leap into a new career, or emailing your therapist when you’ve been struggling and wavering on if you need help. All we need is the physical ability to do the thing. I have been guilty of overthinking and analyzing and have been left with nothing to show for it. Analysis paralysis is a very real condition.
While her video is about confidence, I think the idea of motivation can be viewed in a similar vein. Sometimes we get mired in the details; the why, the how, the evaluation of what is motivating us, or the mission to gain confidence. Sometimes what it takes is for us to just do it.
You don’t need to understand your motivation or have confidence to apply for the job, you just physically need to lift your fingers and type the email and send your resume. She says to take the “micro physical steps” to do it. Can’t get out of bed? Take off the warm blanket, roll to one side and push your body up. Then walk. You don’t need confidence or motivation or some mental mind game. Physically do it.
It’s a simple concept if you think of it that way. Try it.
Nah ah! Don’t you dare think about it (or hit snooze), just move and physically do it.
Thanks for reading. If you’d like to see my recs this week from around the internet, a great habit book, and the best quotes from the terribly written 5 AM Club, become a paid subscriber below!
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