I survived not buying anything for a month

How it reshaped my thoughts on parenting + a photo recap of my purchase regrets

It was so fun to receive the comments and messages from last week’s story on my 10-year house remodel.

How about a fun exercise? COMMENT below on either 1) something you regret buying and why, or 2) something you bought and love and and why it was worth it.

This is a safe space where we are OK to show our mistakes, we all make them! I share my own photos of shopping regrets + satisfied purchases (with sources!) at the end of the article.

Credit: Caronarnold/Reddit

OPTION TO LISTEN TO MY VOICEOVER OF TODAY’S STORY. CLICKY HERE:

One day in mid-January, after the third package was delivered to my house, my husband asked if we could challenge ourselves to not buy anything in February. Considering I did not remember what we had bought online and the contents in those 3 boxes, I said yes.

I started to unpack my decision.

My house was a shopping crime scene. Too many boxes. So much packaging. I get an F for our environmental footprint. I gave evil overlord Jeff too much of our money. I took advantage of our economic privilege and we have crap we don’t need.

What is it about the instant hit and subsequent high when I click to confirm my online purchase? In reflection, my purchasing problem (or can I call it an addiction?) was a storm brewing. My triggers for shopping was likely tied to going back on social media after a long break. The winter shopping holidays didn’t help then those bad habits hemorrhaged into the new year.

Did I stop the bleeding?

I caved twice in our “no buy” February. I give the effort a B+. My slips were while at a conference in San Francisco; I went to Japantown and bought 3 souvenir tea cups for my kids. I also bought a cappuccino at a local coffee shop when I interviewed someone for a future article.

My slip-up purchases.

For perspective, in our challenge, my husband and I obviously still paid our bills. We agreed to only buy the necessities like groceries and medicine. No eating out, however, we already had two out of town trips planned and eating out during these were the exception. We also couldn’t purchase coffee out, a real doozy for me. My weakness is an overpriced bougie latte from the hipster-est spot in town. We could not buy anything extra like toys, clothes, accessories. We did, however, buy my daughter necessary sneakers since her one pair had holes in them.

My surprising observation

When we saved to buy our house 10 years ago, I did not purchase a single piece of clothing for an entire year. During this time, my husband and I also budgeted cash in an envelope for buying anything extra. Like clockwork, on the 29th of every month, you’d find us on our hands and knees scrounging for change in the couch.

During this challenge, my lesson was different and it’s because I did this exercise with my kids. What I realized, remembered, and re-learned in this one month are all things I have already been teaching my kids for years. Like delaying gratification, having less choices, using what we have.

I’ve come to realize my parenting had a gaping flaw because I wasn't modeling the behavior that I was preaching.

Why did I order this?!

Lesson 1: Just wait

This month helped me re-program my belief that we don’t need things right away. I’m saying the obvious. Of course we don’t but we’ve been conditioned with expectations of super-fast shipping and it screwed me up. Yet, I am quick to jump and point the finger at my kids when I tell them to practice patience.

Like Ice Cube said, “You better check yo’ self before you wreck yo’ self.”

Lesson 2: Seeing the same but different

Like open ended toys, I got to play around with my own things. I discovered new relationships with my things that I didn’t exactly love and reach for all the time, like certain items of clothing that became part of new outfits, or repurposing different home decor items. I used up stuff I had stored away, like lotions with weird scents, ate vitamins that tasted meh but turned out fine.

Lesson 3: Eating in is under-rated

Prior to February, we were going out to eat every once in awhile but more than I’d like.

As we relied on eating at home, we gained more time to be with each other at home. Going out to eat meant a scramble to get ready, followed by a time-consuming car ride because we live in a semi-rural area. Our family typically enjoys weekend trips away about once a month, so going out to eat during those times is plenty. I’d like to continue those boundaries.

I am also inspired by blogger Jenna Park, who wrote about her family’s month of eating only at home in New York City. She created a spreadsheet of every meal they ate, and the price point, which sounds tedious but eye-opening.

Lesson 4: Dump decision fatigue

Multiple studies have shown benefits to offering less choices for kids to avoid choice overload or overwhelming them. This challenge was a great reminder that decision fatigue applies to any age.

My mind felt less cluttered without the options and choice to buy. I got rid of the constant reel of questions and decisions. Like:

Go out to eat or stay home and cook? Should I write from a coffee shop, and which coffee shop? Or work in my office? And most important… Do I get these pants I already have which, by the way, make my butt look good, in a different color?

How I’d like to keep going

Checks and balances are needed for me to sustain the good work so far.

I’m in an Artist’s Way group led by writer Ali Vingiano. We are on week 6, in which one of our tasks is to write down every single thing we purchase in one week. Ali summarizes in a comment to me on one of her posts, “It’s all about abundance and redirecting our spending towards our values.”

I’m currently in the middle of this exercise and I can’t imagine how much more dollar signs I would have written down in January.

For things that don’t need a time stamp, I like the idea of waiting 30 days to think about my purchase before I buy. Should I write it down somewhere so my family can see we can hold each other accountable?

It has been 30 days since I’ve been thinking of those pants. Now that I’ve had time to think about it, my butt and I are good without them.

What are your purchase regrets? Here are some of mine.

Big dumb hat I never wear.

Inspired to cook fresh pasta but these tools have been in the box for months.

A knock-off Eames that lasted a few years, broke, and we plan to fix (hopefully).

A leather folder that’s too heavy to travel with.

Remember, shopping doesn’t just pull a strain on your finances! What purchases were worth your time, resources, money and space in your home and life? Here are mine:

This has lasted me 3 years, gets better with age. Rais Case designed, manufactured, and shipped from San Diego, CA.

Secondhand Cuyana from Poshmark, mini bag from La Casa Verde consignment store in San Clemente, CA.

Smells good, feels good, purchased at Communal Coffee in Oceanside, CA.

Sources:

• https://www.raiscase.com/

• https://www.instagram.com/lacasaverdestore/?hl=en

• https://communalcoffee.com/oceanside

A month's worth of dinners—or how much we spent on groceries in February

Our work is to reflect the world, to say what is true in the face of so much lying