In pursuit of knowledge

If time and money weren’t an issue, would you go to school? What would you learn?

eating books and poetry lately in my thirst for learning

In high school, my mom asked me, “If you could choose whatever you wanted to do, what would you do?”

I don’t know why she asked me this question. Did she truly desire my honest thoughts?

I told her the most soul crushing thing you can tell an immigrant parent who prioritized school as a child but needed to prioritize tending to rice fields to survive. This is the same woman who desperately prayed to God when her university courses got way too hard and needed a miracle to pass. My sisters and I had an understanding that after high school, we just go to college. In my house, college was not an option, it’s a given.

Knowing all of this, I was a very dumb girl with a big mouth.

I said, if I truly had a choice, I did not want to go to college.

I’d rather be a hairstylist and go to cosmetology school. This did not fulfill my mom’s “respectable” requirements of a 4-year university.

But I was a hell of a good conversationalist and loved cutting and layering my friends’ hair. I was resident doer of updos and prom hairstyles, and I mastered the quintessential 90s hairdo, the twisties secured with bobby pins.

thank god I did not pursue hair; look what I did to my cheerleading coach

To this very day, my mom reminds me, “Remember when you told me you didn’t want to go to college?!”

Oh boy. Here we go again. She points out how it made her cry. How she is still upset by it (clearly) and how it threw her into a tizzy nearly 25 years ago.

But, you see, I ended up still going to college. It was one the best things I ever did.

(You were right, mom!)

Going to a 4-year university was absolutely right for me because, beyond the career opportunities from having a degree, it’s where I learned about independence, myself, and it’s where I met my husband.

But after I finished, I swore I would never, ever, go back to school again. I hated lectures, midterms, tests, studying, homework, writing papers. Up until last week, I continue to have nightmares about walking to my final exam and I can’t find the class because I never attended it for the entire semester.

Who else has this horror movie dream!?

#college in 2001: lots of beer in terribly decorated boys’ dorm rooms

I do not need to go to school again yet I have this sudden yearn to know more.

Since being a child, I can’t say that I truly had a desire to learn for learning’s sake. I read this in an article: “In a 2018 study, researchers asked elementary students about their experiences as ‘curious learners’ at school. But many students expressed surprise. ‘No one is curious about what we learn in class. We just need to do whatever the teachers tell us to do,’ one said.”

Yep, that was me. Plus, my parents expected me to bring in the As.

The yearn to learn with no other motives

At age 40, you can call me a late bloomer to the phenomenon of learning.

I want to go to school so I can learn. That’s it. I am thirstily curious. I have no goals for another degree for a higher paying job, or to transition to a new career. Or pleasing my mother.

After leaving a toxic job, I started saying yes to more invitations and situations I’d normally pass on because it was uncomfortable, or I didn’t think I had time for, or wanted to make the time. These included writing workshops, courses on unlocking creativity, a meditation class, or taking an art class.

With each one, I noticed little things about how I participated.

I was more present because I truly wanted to learn something I didn’t know. When someone said something that invited a new way for me to view a topic, I’d be in awe, jot it down, and reflect on it later.

When I took a memoir writing class, I appreciated my professor’s teaching approach, enjoyed the reading, and felt inspired by my classmates’ work. During this class, I wondered — how much better of a student would I have been if I had this mindset when I went to university more than two decades ago?

Honor an abundance of curiosity

A few months later, my friend asked me to start a podcast with her.

This was the next jolt in my journey to eat my past words. Remember when I said, “I will never, ever, go back to school again”?

As you can see, I tend to say things that come back to haunt me later.

Our pod aims to give people a platform to speak about their realities of motherhood. While I’m not naturally a confrontational person, in this new venture I have learned to sit and take in information given to me, process it, and interpret it. True learning happens when I don’t understand their experience, or don’t agree with their viewpoint. A lot of my processing happens after we record. I analyze and a little bit of me changes, and grows.

It sort of feels like reading a textbook or attending a lecture, and then the real learning happens when I take a break from the subject matter, get home and drill into the homework.

A friend said, instead of “I don’t know” we can replace it with “I want to know.”

That’s me. I want to know. I am in an abundance of curiosity.

To honor my eagerness to learn, I thought I’d share a few classes, courses, programs, and skills I’d love to learn. Not sure how, or when, or what curriculum but I’d love to someday:

• Learn to swim with confidence, know the strokes, and breathe properly. I’m a mediocre swimmer.

• Take a public speaking class, which sounds silly because I have a podcast. I’m terrified of speaking in public and can always make more improvements on better articulating my thoughts verbally.

• Take a Jiu Jitsu or self defense class. We spoke to Jessica Richer, a cage fighter and mom of 2 about the world of martial arts. Listen here or wherever you listen to podcasts.

• Take more writing courses. Maybe pursue an MFA in Creative Writing.

• Complete a yoga teacher training. Learn more about sound meditation and healing, also breath work.

• Learn how to properly do a cartwheel because I’ve never been able to do it and I’m terrified of making my body go upside down.

• Take a watercolor and drawing class.

• Learn to make pottery on the wheel. I took a class years ago and I’d love to practice more because I got as far as making a blob on the wheel. Nowhere near Ghost sexy Demi Moore status.

• Go to cosmetology school. (Sorry, again, mom!)

Will you chat with me?

What do you want to learn? If time and money weren’t an issue, would you go to school for something specific? I would love to know and hear from you.