Lessons from a former monk who finds peace at work
Lessons from a former monk who finds peace at work
Are we overthinking the thinking? Plus: a video interview + resources
My meditation practice has been a bumpy one. After experiencing postpartum depression 8 years ago, I’ve been on and off, mostly off, with trying — key word “trying” — to successfully meditate. Motherhood has unlocked so many beautiful additions to my life but an unwelcome one was my anxiety and temper, which I discovered, through more self-exploration, are intertwined. This zero to 60 anger bled into how I dealt with stressful situations at work and home, how I spoke to myself when I didn’t meet my own expectations, and it makes the rest of my existence exhausting. The world is complex, how is a modern woman supposed to keep up? With a monkey mind so unforgiving, I was determined to give meditation a shot.
Over the years I’ve read a couple good books, Buddhism for Mothers by Sarah Napthali and The Wise Heart by Jack Kornfield. I’ve participated in meditation classes at the local monastery, Thiền Viện Trúc Lâm Đại Đăng. I allow the Headspace app to weasel $4.99 a month from my Apple account even though I’ve used it just three times. I’ve tried different meditation positions, 2-minute meditations, walking meditations, 20-minute meditations, chanting Om for 5 minutes.
Convinced nothing worked, I gave it a break. Then I did two things that helped me turn a corner: 1) I called up my old client, a former monk and 2) started going to yoga classes. In these acts, I’ve found myself willingly coming back to meditation more. I have a theory as to why.
I stopped overthinking it.
Frustrated at meditation, I reached out to the best resource I could think of: my old client and colleague, Andrew Davis, a trained engineer, developer and software architect, who was a Buddhist monk for 15 years. Andrew is one of the most composed people I’ve encountered in the tech world; this says a lot because startup life can be stressful and highly neurotic, of which I met many people in tech with these personalities — including me! Each time we worked together, he’d have this aura of calm and collectedness.
We talked about the power of finding peace in the now, even in the chaos.
Andrew said, “Find contentment where you are without feeling like we need to chase happiness from somewhere outside the mind.”
We are constantly revolved around change and complexity. When the overwhelm is in full gear, my automatic mode is to try to fix it, shut it down, or ignore it. Most often, you’ll find me in a corner overthinking every detail of my situation, mulling over my opinion on every aspect.
We shouldn’t be surprised I was overthinking meditation. What if, instead of these options, we merely observe where we are, right now?
Meditation is an invitation to meet where I’m at right now. I don’t need to set up a pillow, sit a certain way and find a perfect moment. It’s why I stopped using the designated meditation corner in my bedroom.
Like the rest of the world during the pandemic, my meditation practice went fully remote. I stop and observe and trust this is exactly where I need to be, with these thoughts, in this moment, no matter how crazy and confusing it feels.
I do a lot of my meditation at my desk, where I’m planted a lot of the day, in bed when I’m reading, and a lot of times while I’m on a walk. I meditate during yoga, where I’ve flexed my meditation muscles. Ask yourself these questions:
How does it feel to breathe in?
How does it feel to breathe out?
How does it feel to notice how I’m feeling?
Meditation seems more attainable this way. For confidence at work, peace while we raise our families, a practice to be present with ourselves and others — this is a reminder to myself to stop overthinking it and meet myself where I’m at, physically and mentally.
Meditation resources:
Andrew talking about how everyone is doing the best they can: a wonderful reminder!
Breath by James Nestor: fascinating book about the importance of our breath, how we breathe, a new way to look at how we breathe, and possibly change how we breathe.
LOCAL REC (Fallbrook area): Restorative Yoga + Sound Healing, this is the most delicious and cozy class where you can follow a guided meditation with beautiful live instruments and sounds. Check it out at Sage Yoga Studios. Shelby’s class is da bomb, here’s a preview of some instruments.
Very cool, Stephanie! I find meditation very sweet and helpful. When I do it. I like the things at Insight Meditation center and on the app Dharma Seed. Carol Wilson and Steve Armstrong are faves, along with Joseph Goldstein. I’ll check out your links!
Really appreciate the transparency here Stephanie, thank you. I also enjoyed listening to the interview with Andrew. I've always been grateful to people who acknowledge that it's not about getting rid of all thoughts or emptying the mind, especially when just starting out with meditation. It helped me when people guided me to take an observer role to my thoughts, watching them go by like clouds in the sky without latching onto them, or thinking of them like a train I don't have to get on. Gradually, I was able to become more and more detached from thoughts and come back to a deep center more easily and quickly. Still a work in progress! <3