No more FOMO and a bit more JOMO
The joy of missing out, quiet quitting, saying no, and other ways we can enjoy our sanity a wee bit more
Think about a time you said no and felt grateful for it.
Going out to drinks when you’re tired after work. Hanging out with a friend that is exhausting. Taking on more work when you have other important deadlines. Scrolling through Stories and Reels on anything. and everything. and nothing.
Actress Jamie Lee Curtis shared how she proudly ditched an Oscar’s nominee dinner party earlier this year. "Mommy goes to bed early," she told The Hollywood Reporter regarding the dinner, which started at 7:30 p.m. "There's nothing good happening with me after 9 o'clock."
I’ll be damned. Celebrities, they’re just like us!
As I’ve been clearing out the junk drawers of my brain, it’s been a delight to see I’m in good company. Have you heard of JOMO? The joy of missing out is a direct contradiction to the acronyms of yore, FOMO (fear of missing out), or YOLO (you only live once). Instead of feeling sad or anxious about the possibilities of what’s being missed, JOMO celebrates what you will gain by bowing out. An earlier bedtime so you can wake up feeling good in the morning, quality “me time,” a focus on you rather than an external pull to do something you aren’t 100 percent behind.
For those who didn’t read last week’s piece on my ketamine experience, I outline my unraveling, a panic attack. Simply, I took on too much. How would the day have gone if I did not take on hosting the pizza party and embraced JOMO? I don’t have regrets but I do reflect and try to learn from the past. Mantras can be helpful when at a crossroads or in the midst of a decision. Repeat after me: choose to do less… say no when it’s not a hell yes.
In the work world, quiet quitting is taking up mental space for our workforce, likely for those who understand the risk of burnout, or are mindful of boundaries. The New Yorker quoted an engineer’s TikTok, explaining this frame of mind and approach to work:
“I recently learned about this term called quiet quitting, where you’re not outright quitting your job but you’re quitting the idea of going above and beyond,” Khan says. “You’re still performing your duties, but you’re no longer subscribing to the hustle-culture mentality that work has to be your life. The reality is it’s not. And your worth as a person is not defined by your labor.”
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It was engrained in my generation to work-work-work, hustle and grind. Some may call it a good work ethic while others may call it a road to depletion. As someone who felt the sting of this workhorse culture at times, I’m into this idea of quiet quitting.
Although I’m JOMO-ing all over the place, let’s be real. I’m human. FOMO still pokes at me. For example, Substack created a new feature called Notes, which takes aim at Twitter. Based on the news coverage and chatter over the Internet, there was lots of excitement about it and I felt dread. I was never on team Twitter because it always felt like information overload but everyone was on it so it constantly fueled my idea of FOMO. I’ve written two Notes on Substack and I ditched the practice when it confirmed my fears — it felt like too much. Thank goodness for other writers like Anjali Prasertong, who also expressed her JOMO mindset about Notes.
FOMO also creeped in when my kids’ school encouraged its annual media-free challenge recently. For me, Instagram and YouTube, in particular, can be a false sense of connection and entertainment. I did not want to miss out on this screen time. But I did, begrudgingly. Mama had to put up a strong front, set a good example for my kids. Honestly, otherwise, I wouldn’t have done it. The addiction was strong as I yearned for the scroll for several days. After weaning, it was a joy to miss out on absolutely nothing worth my time. That month, I gained better perspective and boundaries with scrolling time. But it’s an ongoing process.
There’s joy in missing out on stuff that isn’t worth your time. With JOMO I can be present. Our time is valuable. How do we want to spend it?
Did you have a JOMO moment? What are you good with missing out on? Write in comments!
P.S. Emma Gannon has a great thread on JOMO, subscribe and read!