Do you know what anchors you?

7 rituals for a more centered existence

What would you like would like me to write about in this newsletter? Comment, direct message, email (stephaniejucar@gmail.com) with suggestions!

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The original board room. The dinner table.

I’ve been asking people what they’d like to see me write for this newsletter, including my husband. His answer surprised me because he’s generally a private person.

He suggested sharing our family’s daily routine, the cadence of our days, and what we do with our kids. I started to go through my day, hour by hour and confirmed it. My life is boring!

However, my days are comprised of a few anchors and, while they might not be thrilling, they are crucial. Anchors are routines and traditions which center us and invite positive connections within ourselves and others. It’s whatever creates stability and safety in your life.

What anchors you in your daily life?

I do most of these rituals on most days but sometimes I don’t and I try to release myself from the negative emotions for not achieving them. For adults with kids, and without kids, I think there are a few anchors in my life keeping me grounded, and can have similar results for you, too.

1. Take my meds. I didn’t want to start with this one but it’s a fresh incident. I failed to take my medication Escitalopram and Buspirone for depression and anxiety. I missed 5 days. I was too lazy to pick up the prescription. I secretly thought I didn’t really need it and wouldn't have negative consequences even though I knew deep down inside I could suffer. I did and I was so disconnected from everything. I confirmed my obvious assumptions. Now I’m back on my meds and all is better now. The morale of the story is anchor yourself first before helping others. **¹

2. Dinner at the table everyday. 30 percent of families eat dinner at the table together. No matter how stressful, how terrible, how high, or low our days are, we eat together as a family almost every dinner and breakfast. Butts planted at the seats of our table. Phones and screens are tucked away. Before having kids, my husband and I ate dinner at the table together. Growing up, my family and my husband’s family ate dinner together. It’s a generational gift.

In my house, we have a big age gap with our kids (18, 8, 5) so an ice breaker book is fun. We use this one called Happy Families, Table Talk and it has questions like: “If you created a new planet what would it be like?” And “if a genie gave you three wishes would would they be?”

This is my family’s biggest anchor and I’m personally proud we put in the effort to gather each day. Studies show some pretty amazing benefits of sharing a meal together, and it doesn’t have to be dinner. Any mealtime will do.

Please pass the peas, and a ton of life-long benefits.

3. Gratefulness. At dinnertime, we go around the table and everyone says one thing they are grateful for. Some days our 5-year-old says “nuffing” but other days he’s thankful for everything. It’s a beautiful effort to take a moment in my day to think about what I am grateful for and say it out loud in front of an audience, especially when I’m having a bad day.

4. Journal every morning. I write, by hand, in a green journal every single morning soon after I wake up. It’s where I vomit all the good, the bad, the embarrassing, the stuff stuck in my brain but I cannot and will not tell anyone else. I used to be convinced that typing was better for journaling because then I could get everything out but I realized the act of typing jumbled my thoughts. Handwriting gives me one stream of conscious rather than 5 and it’s what keeps my thoughts and feelings focused. I don’t need to get everything down at once. I started this practice with the 5 minute gratitude journal; it takes 5 minutes in the morning and 5 minutes at night to complete. Then my journaling practice has morphed into Morning Pages from The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron, an age old book to help unlock the creativity in anyone.

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5. Nap time for everyone. When my first born outgrew napping, I was worried. I need sleep and I need naps and I need a break! Who doesn’t? When the kids are home for the day, we do a whole house rest. Nap or no nap we take time for ourselves to rest or do some sort of individual activity then we come back together after an hour or so. I don’t care how much you love someone, a break from those you love is necessary to continue loving them in the best way possible. This also works like a charm on vacations.

6. Move my body, preferably outside, and share energy with others. I walk everyday outside in nature with fresh air. I am taking mini steps toward running. I also go to yoga classes. I used to do them at home over YouTube but my friend told me about the healing energy of doing a class; it’s about creating powerful energy together, coming together as a community.

7. Stories and a bedtime routine. We are a house of readers. We are better people, we learn, and we connect through stories, because of books. We also keep our phones away between dinner time and bedtime so we can actually connect with each other. We are also a family that thrives on this daily routine and our days end with back scratches, books, and bedtime. It’s a good book end to our days.

I can’t control how our kids’ futures look but I do believe these anchors will yield to positive results somewhere in our lives.

Thank you for reading and I hope you were able to realize your anchors and appreciate that you have been mindful of what adds meaning to your daily life.

1. **Western, big pharmaceutical medicine is not the one fix-it for my mental and emotional stability. However, it is one important factor and I am an advocate for experimenting various forms of medicine, routines, exercises, etc. to help cope with mental illness. I hope one day more forms of treatment are available for everyone, no matter their economic or social status.