Those dishes gave me the biggest deja-vu nostalgia hit! I think everyone had those dishes! And loved this post Stephanie. This is the second essay about death cleaning I've read this week! And it's so frequently on my mind. I did a huge purge cleaning last weekend. Lastly, thanks for the opportunity to do the QA ❤️
We did an attic purge and there’s still too much crap up there. We have a big house so we ended up being the catch all the family, who thought, oh Steph has a big house she can take our crap. I’m learning to say no! Keep your stuff! Loved your responses and thank you for taking the time to answer them.
by the way, I shared your piece with my sister. I couldn’t help but think about our very difficult relationship with our dad when you published your piece last week. It hit my heart!!!
This is so good. We live in a small space and did a big clear, with a series of mini clears over the years. It seems like the less clutter physically the less clutter mentally for me anyway. Great piece
That’s how my brain and body operate too. Clutter makes me go crazy. Just clearing my countertop from clutter does the trick. I still have the hidden beasts in my drawer and attic I need to deal with eventually. I need to do your strategy of mini clears over the years.
Your comments around the memories that are tied up in our inherited things really resonated with me, Stephanie. I consider myself a "minimalist" and don't own a lot of things, but there are certain items that I find myself unable to let go of because of the memories tied up in them. Thank you for this.
Also: Jenna Park writes one of my favourite newsletters also! :)
Thank you for your comment, Kate! I do love beautiful well made things, and also things with a story and history. I also don’t like too much stuff! Oh how to deal with balancing the two.
Love Jenna’s work and the way she views her world.
I literally have chills because just last night I tucked away a few of my late father’s belongings thinking, “maybe bumping into these daily is hurting more than helping”. Then, this morning I read this. 🤯
And those are my dishes too! We also had the matching glassware - with that same Daisy print along the rim.
This piece was so powerful, Stephanie. Memory is so selective and personal right? What one holds gently and fondly another shields their eyes from. We are all meaning making machines - every family consists of members who have their own triumphs and traumas. Thanks for reminding me of this 💕
And Jenna’s answer to #3. Damn! That got me. Ooof.
I purged greatly, then my hoarder father died and I ended up with a barn full of basically crap to sort out. Buckets of rusty nails and screws, many broken power tools, and amongst it all a couple of treasures. I still have more to sort, the non shed stuff. This essay should give me the oomph to do it.
Ack, the description of a barn full made it very real to me the size of this project! Do you wish dad knew of the Swedish death cleaning method? Or do you not mind going thru the stuff?
Oh I completely and utterly resented going through the piles and piles of rubbish. And seeing goof items spoilt by miscare was soul destroying. We had suggested over the years he do a sort, and we would help, but he refused. A good 75% was just binned. It was so stupid and wasteful.
This is so timely, thank you. I wrote about Swedish Death Cleaning a few days ago and I had such great feedback on it. Seems like a lot of us are thinking the same thing right now. I unearthed a box of things stored from my wedding, just small sentimental things but I hadn't felt the need to look at them in over 20 years. I realised that they just held memories for me, no one else. And if I got rid of the box I'd still have the memories.
Yes!!! If you got rid of the box you’d still hold the memories. I do think we get an initial dopamine hit with seeing the old things that bring you joy but it’s fleeting. What’s up with us thinking about the same topic?! Is it that the weather is changing or the sun is better shining light on our clutter?!
I've been purging and finding a new home for many objects in my world. As I strive toward minimalist I am so thrilled when I find each thing a new special and welcome home (including the memories that go with it). So liberating.
I love the intention you’ve put into finding a new home for your things. I think a lot of us just throw stuff out or mindlessly donate. I bet your process is slow but slow isn’t bad! It can be mindful practice!
This one's right on time for me as I've been looking around my house and realizing how much I've accumulated since our FULL-FLEDGED KONMARI practice. We did the whole book, the whole house. I touched everything, Steph! Got rid of so much stuff right down to the sentimental. I can't even remember what I was worried about parting with. Having gone through it, I can confidently say most of my stuff means nothing at the end of the day. Even gifts and cards--stuff I held onto out of obligation to the gifter--has little meaning. What mattered was that present moment; the initial intention; the energy exchange. We don't need physical objects to invoke emotion although, to your point, they certainly can for better or worse.
I am sitting here imagining you touching your stuff and asking out loud, do I love this?!? Dude, the holding onto stuff out of obligation to the gifter… that’s a real program so many of us have. It’s the stupid people pleaser in us, I think! Love the energy exchange idea. Which reminds me, you said you have a gift for me! Let’s see each other soon!!!
Those were our dishes too! Except unlike the stereotypical Asian immigrant family, we actually USED the dishwasher. Almost nightly. They're still at my parents' house. What's remaining of them, anyway. I also have a piano (well, it's sitting in my parents' condo right now) that has been in our family for three generations. It was given to my mom's first cousin (so my first cousin, once removed, or in Cantonese, my cousin-aunt) by a church and that piano went to my mom when said cousin went abroad for school. The piano then came to Canada with my mom. And the piano was passed to me for a while and will go to my son when he's grown up. The piano was made by a German manufacturer that no longer exists and was transported to Asia to the church my cousin-aunt's family went to and then to Canada. Three continents!!!
Haha I really love that these dishes were in your home too! I also enjoy hearing about all your family heirlooms and where they traveled to. In the end it’s just stuff but also they do come with memories so personal to us. Thank you for sharing your objects. Love the world traveling piano
As you know, I’m into Minimalism. Decluttering is so hard, especially when items have a sentimental value - good and bad - and even more so when the person is no longer alive. Separating the person/memories from the item is a learning process. Then there’s the ‘but what if I need’ moments. Handbags are my weakness. Apparently, there is a psychological reason behind that…
I like the concept behind Swedish Death Cleaning and have started, although I am a few decades younger than the recommended starting age! It’s therapeutic. I’ve made errors along the way, but I do feel lighter and more focused.
Those dishes gave me the biggest deja-vu nostalgia hit! I think everyone had those dishes! And loved this post Stephanie. This is the second essay about death cleaning I've read this week! And it's so frequently on my mind. I did a huge purge cleaning last weekend. Lastly, thanks for the opportunity to do the QA ❤️
We did an attic purge and there’s still too much crap up there. We have a big house so we ended up being the catch all the family, who thought, oh Steph has a big house she can take our crap. I’m learning to say no! Keep your stuff! Loved your responses and thank you for taking the time to answer them.
by the way, I shared your piece with my sister. I couldn’t help but think about our very difficult relationship with our dad when you published your piece last week. It hit my heart!!!
The pro - and con - of apartment living is that we have no room for stuff. Constant purging! And I'm so glad that piece resonated with you ❤️
This is so good. We live in a small space and did a big clear, with a series of mini clears over the years. It seems like the less clutter physically the less clutter mentally for me anyway. Great piece
That’s how my brain and body operate too. Clutter makes me go crazy. Just clearing my countertop from clutter does the trick. I still have the hidden beasts in my drawer and attic I need to deal with eventually. I need to do your strategy of mini clears over the years.
Your comments around the memories that are tied up in our inherited things really resonated with me, Stephanie. I consider myself a "minimalist" and don't own a lot of things, but there are certain items that I find myself unable to let go of because of the memories tied up in them. Thank you for this.
Also: Jenna Park writes one of my favourite newsletters also! :)
Thank you for your comment, Kate! I do love beautiful well made things, and also things with a story and history. I also don’t like too much stuff! Oh how to deal with balancing the two.
Love Jenna’s work and the way she views her world.
I literally have chills because just last night I tucked away a few of my late father’s belongings thinking, “maybe bumping into these daily is hurting more than helping”. Then, this morning I read this. 🤯
And those are my dishes too! We also had the matching glassware - with that same Daisy print along the rim.
This piece was so powerful, Stephanie. Memory is so selective and personal right? What one holds gently and fondly another shields their eyes from. We are all meaning making machines - every family consists of members who have their own triumphs and traumas. Thanks for reminding me of this 💕
And Jenna’s answer to #3. Damn! That got me. Ooof.
I purged greatly, then my hoarder father died and I ended up with a barn full of basically crap to sort out. Buckets of rusty nails and screws, many broken power tools, and amongst it all a couple of treasures. I still have more to sort, the non shed stuff. This essay should give me the oomph to do it.
Ack, the description of a barn full made it very real to me the size of this project! Do you wish dad knew of the Swedish death cleaning method? Or do you not mind going thru the stuff?
Oh I completely and utterly resented going through the piles and piles of rubbish. And seeing goof items spoilt by miscare was soul destroying. We had suggested over the years he do a sort, and we would help, but he refused. A good 75% was just binned. It was so stupid and wasteful.
This is so timely, thank you. I wrote about Swedish Death Cleaning a few days ago and I had such great feedback on it. Seems like a lot of us are thinking the same thing right now. I unearthed a box of things stored from my wedding, just small sentimental things but I hadn't felt the need to look at them in over 20 years. I realised that they just held memories for me, no one else. And if I got rid of the box I'd still have the memories.
Yes!!! If you got rid of the box you’d still hold the memories. I do think we get an initial dopamine hit with seeing the old things that bring you joy but it’s fleeting. What’s up with us thinking about the same topic?! Is it that the weather is changing or the sun is better shining light on our clutter?!
I think there's definitely a spring cleaning aspect to this, coming out of hibernation and wanting to clear out our spaces
I've been purging and finding a new home for many objects in my world. As I strive toward minimalist I am so thrilled when I find each thing a new special and welcome home (including the memories that go with it). So liberating.
I love the intention you’ve put into finding a new home for your things. I think a lot of us just throw stuff out or mindlessly donate. I bet your process is slow but slow isn’t bad! It can be mindful practice!
This one's right on time for me as I've been looking around my house and realizing how much I've accumulated since our FULL-FLEDGED KONMARI practice. We did the whole book, the whole house. I touched everything, Steph! Got rid of so much stuff right down to the sentimental. I can't even remember what I was worried about parting with. Having gone through it, I can confidently say most of my stuff means nothing at the end of the day. Even gifts and cards--stuff I held onto out of obligation to the gifter--has little meaning. What mattered was that present moment; the initial intention; the energy exchange. We don't need physical objects to invoke emotion although, to your point, they certainly can for better or worse.
I am sitting here imagining you touching your stuff and asking out loud, do I love this?!? Dude, the holding onto stuff out of obligation to the gifter… that’s a real program so many of us have. It’s the stupid people pleaser in us, I think! Love the energy exchange idea. Which reminds me, you said you have a gift for me! Let’s see each other soon!!!
Those were our dishes too! Except unlike the stereotypical Asian immigrant family, we actually USED the dishwasher. Almost nightly. They're still at my parents' house. What's remaining of them, anyway. I also have a piano (well, it's sitting in my parents' condo right now) that has been in our family for three generations. It was given to my mom's first cousin (so my first cousin, once removed, or in Cantonese, my cousin-aunt) by a church and that piano went to my mom when said cousin went abroad for school. The piano then came to Canada with my mom. And the piano was passed to me for a while and will go to my son when he's grown up. The piano was made by a German manufacturer that no longer exists and was transported to Asia to the church my cousin-aunt's family went to and then to Canada. Three continents!!!
Haha I really love that these dishes were in your home too! I also enjoy hearing about all your family heirlooms and where they traveled to. In the end it’s just stuff but also they do come with memories so personal to us. Thank you for sharing your objects. Love the world traveling piano
As you know, I’m into Minimalism. Decluttering is so hard, especially when items have a sentimental value - good and bad - and even more so when the person is no longer alive. Separating the person/memories from the item is a learning process. Then there’s the ‘but what if I need’ moments. Handbags are my weakness. Apparently, there is a psychological reason behind that…
I like the concept behind Swedish Death Cleaning and have started, although I am a few decades younger than the recommended starting age! It’s therapeutic. I’ve made errors along the way, but I do feel lighter and more focused.