I said no to my mom yesterday. I just spent the past week researching, calling, and visiting personal care homes for her. She changed her mind multiple times and had requirements that were nearly impossible to meet.
I shut my business down to do this for her.
Friday I was exhausted, both emotionally and physically but satisfied with the end result. Now I needed to ready my son’s room for my brother who is flying in to visit her.
Mom sends me a note. I just had an idea. We should have your brother, all your kids, my partner and his kids here at the hospital for Chinese food. You can help with the menu.
I said no. I said my brother is coming to see you and you should spend time with him. I said I am exhausted and plan to spend the weekend with my husband.
It was hard. Guilt arose and my brain started shoulding on me, but I stuck to my guns.
Thank you Stephanie. I am extremely proud of myself.
My dad ran guilt over me daily and I had an easier time saying no to him. Mom, who divorced dad 31 yrs ago AND for whom she still has palpable hatred, follows his example by using guilt as a tool for control. Isn’t that ironic?
I know that being true to myself, my body, and my energy is what matters most. Mom is the final boundary frontier between me and my freedom.
This should be required reading for all women. THANK YOU for your honesty! It reminds me I, too, can be honest even if that honesty disappoints the people I love. On that note, can we talk about how, when you asked not to teach, I got a sinking feeling I had done something wrong and that you were secretly angry and resentful? You have to laugh at the irony. One of the side effects of people pleasing is constantly worrying that everyone hates me! Ugh. So happy to have you in my life, Steph. Let's continue keeping it all the way real.
Omg I can and can’t believe you thought I was mad at you! We’ve got twisted brains, dude!!! I love our friendship and how it’s blossomed and that we’ve kicked it off with having to be honest with each other. I already broke a promise to you and you are still my friend woohoo!
Hi Shelly! I will for sure mess it up and say yes to more stuff but I’m really trying! Just over here rethinking all my commitments and understanding if they are truly what I want!
Yes- I was just listening to a podcast about how stress leads to illness- nurses could tell whether someone had ALS by their personality. If they were mean, no ALS. If very nice yes ALS. People pleasing and internalized anger make us sick. I am also a people pleaser, working on it!
Haha! Dona, I feel great I’m seeing the light 10 years ahead. We do all need sisters like mine! I have two of them and they are some of my best teachers
I am proud to say I said no yesterday.
I said no to my mom yesterday. I just spent the past week researching, calling, and visiting personal care homes for her. She changed her mind multiple times and had requirements that were nearly impossible to meet.
I shut my business down to do this for her.
Friday I was exhausted, both emotionally and physically but satisfied with the end result. Now I needed to ready my son’s room for my brother who is flying in to visit her.
Mom sends me a note. I just had an idea. We should have your brother, all your kids, my partner and his kids here at the hospital for Chinese food. You can help with the menu.
I said no. I said my brother is coming to see you and you should spend time with him. I said I am exhausted and plan to spend the weekend with my husband.
It was hard. Guilt arose and my brain started shoulding on me, but I stuck to my guns.
No felt powerful
This is my favorite comment! Patricia, what an accomplishment. Congrats on saying no. I’m sorry all the natural feelings after saying no came out, including the guilt. I wish it wasn’t like that but maybe it won’t be as prevalent if we practice no more than we do. My friend emailed me with an article that made me think and I love this concept: NO is a complete sentence. We don’t need to explain ourselves either. Wow. I’m not there yet but I would love to be! https://email.mg2.substack.com/c/eJxMkDtuxSAQAE8DnS0-iz8FRRpfI8KwzybBYME6lm8fKSmSdjTFaLwj3Ep97NWwdhXP9PBgIcjJTBytHOVgzGik4LsNQqOZQYvXjO41gcYhhEmto3CjnlDzaJVQIIwCqbWEuV8HhcPsjQLvQY6BgTg21bdrbeT8Z-_LwZPdic7G9BtTC1PLfd_9EXN4XakvdWNqyaWLrXOdL8eZkLBrmAmzR6YWfpZG7zFYCTAZIfTwS-g50Wa8W0IirLzaRnjuLkf8uLyrDMR2uJh-Etq1hnK4mP8kX0rCh9P_L19WfQcAAP__aVRjUA
Thank you Stephanie. I am extremely proud of myself.
My dad ran guilt over me daily and I had an easier time saying no to him. Mom, who divorced dad 31 yrs ago AND for whom she still has palpable hatred, follows his example by using guilt as a tool for control. Isn’t that ironic?
I know that being true to myself, my body, and my energy is what matters most. Mom is the final boundary frontier between me and my freedom.
This should be required reading for all women. THANK YOU for your honesty! It reminds me I, too, can be honest even if that honesty disappoints the people I love. On that note, can we talk about how, when you asked not to teach, I got a sinking feeling I had done something wrong and that you were secretly angry and resentful? You have to laugh at the irony. One of the side effects of people pleasing is constantly worrying that everyone hates me! Ugh. So happy to have you in my life, Steph. Let's continue keeping it all the way real.
Omg I can and can’t believe you thought I was mad at you! We’ve got twisted brains, dude!!! I love our friendship and how it’s blossomed and that we’ve kicked it off with having to be honest with each other. I already broke a promise to you and you are still my friend woohoo!
To breaking many more promises to each other!
Thank you for this and for being so open about it.
YES to all of this! (But not in a pleaser way!) 😉
It is such a brave gift to yourself to be able to say no. Good for you, Stephanie!
Hi Shelly! I will for sure mess it up and say yes to more stuff but I’m really trying! Just over here rethinking all my commitments and understanding if they are truly what I want!
You’re doing great! I’m inspired!
Love this!!!
Love your support!!!
Yes- I was just listening to a podcast about how stress leads to illness- nurses could tell whether someone had ALS by their personality. If they were mean, no ALS. If very nice yes ALS. People pleasing and internalized anger make us sick. I am also a people pleaser, working on it!
Send me the pod, sounds so interesting! I have a chronic illness so this very much checks out, geez
Gabor mate was the speaker. I ran his ideas by a few scientific/medical people and they didn’t agree 100% but I personally think it makes sense!
https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/pulling-the-thread-with-elise-loehnen/id1585015034?i=1000579546204
Well hallelujah! I was 50 when I finally said NO and btw we all need sisters like yours!
Haha! Dona, I feel great I’m seeing the light 10 years ahead. We do all need sisters like mine! I have two of them and they are some of my best teachers