Absolutely loved this, Stephanie, and so glad to hear you’re keeping at it with your book! Complicated people like your dad are the most interesting ones to write and read about. Also--would be super curious to hear more about your experience with the medium. It’s one of those things I don’t believe in but secretly want to try in hopes that there will be some shocking revelation that turns me into a believer.
Thank you for reading, Sam! I only went because she was recommended by a good friend who had seen her several times. I also wanted to support my friend, who was interested to try for her first time. I went in very dubious but I did go in with an open mind. I find the older I get I'm more open to stuff I don't really understand yet. My friend's experience was really powerful to see because a few people came forward for her and one of them she hadn't even thought of in a long time. Lots of very specific details were said that I don't think the medium would have known. There's lots of other components to this that made me feel good about it and I think a lot has to do with the medium you go to. I recommend it if you find someone that comes highly recommended by circles you trust. If you go, tell me about it!
May 19, 2023·edited May 19, 2023Liked by Stephanie Jucar Cooley
Oh Stephanie, this resonated with me greatly. I had a very complicated, love-hate relationship with my dad and my mom’s relationship with him was even worse as I was to learn in my later years.
He died suddenly in a car accident in 2003. I wrote the eulogy and of course I found all the goodness. It was interesting to stand up there and read it, which I somehow found the strength to do, my brother, standing stoically by my side, knowing that I was only telling half a story
I think it’s a good reminder that no one is all bad or all good even the ones who kick holes in the wall or shout or have weeklong silent arguments as my parents used to do, including ridiculous things like asking me to pass the salt from way across the table, when my mother is right there next to him.
I think it’s important that we find it in ourselves to forgive the bad behavior, and know that we can’t always understand where it came from. I was fortunate enough that my grandmother told me stories about my dad’s upbringing, which help me understand why he had such a distaste for women.
It’s very complicated being human. I do believe the key is to find love and to love that very best part of them, that spark of light that might be buried way deep inside. Remembering and loving those days when they were goofy funny, and surprised us with small gifts and forgiving the days when they were at their worst. Most of all choosing to be better for their own children so there are so many days that they have to forgive once we’re gone.
Thank you for this beautiful memory and vulnerable share
Patricia, I read your comment twice because I loved it so much. There are so many good lines like this: "It's very complicated being human." I have been reading about intergenerational trauma and it has allowed me to understand where I came from, my parents' stories, and why we all think and feel the way we do now. I really appreciate all these words and your own story from your dad. During my dad's funeral, it was such a confusing time. We came to gather to honor this man's life but it ended with such complicated baggage.
I had a very interesting hypnosis session that showed me how the work on ancestral wounds, or intergenerational trauma as you said, that my clients, I, and so many others are doing is helping all of humanity. Perhaps that one should be my next story... :)
Yes I would love to read about the work you’re doing for yourself and for clients! I never heard of ancestral wounds until my husband did the work earlier this year. It sounded so foreign to me at the time but I am now much more intrigued by this idea because it makes sense!
Lovely post, Stephanie and I will definitely read that memoir. Some day we will have to talk mediums and psychics. I started going to see them as a teenager and still attend the occasional seance and get psychic readings. I love it. They're always fun and great material. My father passed away in 2006 of esophageal cancer and we too had a very complicated relationship. It was very healing for me to write about him and to be reminded of his many gifts in addition to his many flaws.
Yes, we need to talk about it! I want to go back to Kelly but more so to watch others come for my friends. Ha! Do you know a good psychic? I saw one many years ago and I paid her money to lie to me hahah! Did you write about your dad somewhere or did you write it just for your own eyes? I'd love to read it if it's out there.
Thanks for writing this Steph! It made me reflect a lot. One of fondest memories is when dad would wrap the gifts with weird things and the cash in the box! It was so fun! I still have the tchotchke figurine (maybe mom and dad found it at the swap meet, or at Pic N Save) that came with the cash one year. It sits in the China cabinet and when I look at it I’m reminded of the happy times!
Absolutely loved this, Stephanie, and so glad to hear you’re keeping at it with your book! Complicated people like your dad are the most interesting ones to write and read about. Also--would be super curious to hear more about your experience with the medium. It’s one of those things I don’t believe in but secretly want to try in hopes that there will be some shocking revelation that turns me into a believer.
Thank you for reading, Sam! I only went because she was recommended by a good friend who had seen her several times. I also wanted to support my friend, who was interested to try for her first time. I went in very dubious but I did go in with an open mind. I find the older I get I'm more open to stuff I don't really understand yet. My friend's experience was really powerful to see because a few people came forward for her and one of them she hadn't even thought of in a long time. Lots of very specific details were said that I don't think the medium would have known. There's lots of other components to this that made me feel good about it and I think a lot has to do with the medium you go to. I recommend it if you find someone that comes highly recommended by circles you trust. If you go, tell me about it!
Oh Stephanie, this resonated with me greatly. I had a very complicated, love-hate relationship with my dad and my mom’s relationship with him was even worse as I was to learn in my later years.
He died suddenly in a car accident in 2003. I wrote the eulogy and of course I found all the goodness. It was interesting to stand up there and read it, which I somehow found the strength to do, my brother, standing stoically by my side, knowing that I was only telling half a story
I think it’s a good reminder that no one is all bad or all good even the ones who kick holes in the wall or shout or have weeklong silent arguments as my parents used to do, including ridiculous things like asking me to pass the salt from way across the table, when my mother is right there next to him.
I think it’s important that we find it in ourselves to forgive the bad behavior, and know that we can’t always understand where it came from. I was fortunate enough that my grandmother told me stories about my dad’s upbringing, which help me understand why he had such a distaste for women.
It’s very complicated being human. I do believe the key is to find love and to love that very best part of them, that spark of light that might be buried way deep inside. Remembering and loving those days when they were goofy funny, and surprised us with small gifts and forgiving the days when they were at their worst. Most of all choosing to be better for their own children so there are so many days that they have to forgive once we’re gone.
Thank you for this beautiful memory and vulnerable share
Patricia, I read your comment twice because I loved it so much. There are so many good lines like this: "It's very complicated being human." I have been reading about intergenerational trauma and it has allowed me to understand where I came from, my parents' stories, and why we all think and feel the way we do now. I really appreciate all these words and your own story from your dad. During my dad's funeral, it was such a confusing time. We came to gather to honor this man's life but it ended with such complicated baggage.
I had a very interesting hypnosis session that showed me how the work on ancestral wounds, or intergenerational trauma as you said, that my clients, I, and so many others are doing is helping all of humanity. Perhaps that one should be my next story... :)
Yes I would love to read about the work you’re doing for yourself and for clients! I never heard of ancestral wounds until my husband did the work earlier this year. It sounded so foreign to me at the time but I am now much more intrigued by this idea because it makes sense!
Lovely post, Stephanie and I will definitely read that memoir. Some day we will have to talk mediums and psychics. I started going to see them as a teenager and still attend the occasional seance and get psychic readings. I love it. They're always fun and great material. My father passed away in 2006 of esophageal cancer and we too had a very complicated relationship. It was very healing for me to write about him and to be reminded of his many gifts in addition to his many flaws.
Yes, we need to talk about it! I want to go back to Kelly but more so to watch others come for my friends. Ha! Do you know a good psychic? I saw one many years ago and I paid her money to lie to me hahah! Did you write about your dad somewhere or did you write it just for your own eyes? I'd love to read it if it's out there.
Thanks for writing this Steph! It made me reflect a lot. One of fondest memories is when dad would wrap the gifts with weird things and the cash in the box! It was so fun! I still have the tchotchke figurine (maybe mom and dad found it at the swap meet, or at Pic N Save) that came with the cash one year. It sits in the China cabinet and when I look at it I’m reminded of the happy times!
Swap meet, pic n save, oh man, I miss those spots! I think I'm going to give A a similar packaged gift for his graduation :)
This was a lovely read, thank you for sharing this story Stephanie x
Thank you for reading Lyndsay!
Love this ❤️
Thank you, Deenie :)
I loved reading this, thank you for sharing x
Thank you so much for reading!