Is the cost of 4-year college worth it? Part 1.
The privilege of options
Our substitute kid, a.k.a. our 17-year-old nephew is swimming in the deep end of college applications and personal essays to universities across California and Oregon, scholarship research, and FASFA forms.
In the meantime, my husband and I have been trying to find a few financial floaties to chuck his way, as he will eventually tread in the tuition tidal wave of a 4-year college. Our intelligent and mature-for-his-age nephew didn’t have a financial plan prior to moving in with us two years ago because he wasn’t surrounded by the idea and prospect of college. Now we have some catching up to do.
We estimate the cost of a typical California public university like UC or Cal State will cost $150,000+ for four years, so $37,500 per year. This factors housing, food, and other cost of living expenses. I smell Top Ramen with a side of microwave Mac N Cheese in his future! With scholarships and financial aid, the price tag will still be significant. As we plan, we keep asking ourselves:
Is going to a 4-year college today worth it?
I don’t know.
Because of my own experience, I’ve had my eye on the university track for my nephew and my kids. But I know the opportunity of college is different now. It’s evolved and complicated, it’s way more expensive, and there are many more options for post-high school opportunities. Ultimately, the answer depends on each kid.
I know my view is biased, privileged and generational. My mom went to university in the Philippines. I grew up with the idea that going to college after I graduate high school was the only option. My parents flew across the world to live in a land where they knew practically no one. Their trek here was to build a better life for themselves, and their kids. Going to college was always part of that master plan.
My parents paid for my college in 2001-2005 (and also my two sisters’ tuitions). Their money-saving decisions on top of tuition assistance from my dad’s US Navy veteran’s benefit resulted in me never having to take out student loans. My college education allowed me to land jobs, a good career, and decent money.
In another perspective, my husband went to the same college and did not finish. He paid off student loans for a degree he never earned. Yet, through his college experience, he landed an internship that led him to his business ventures today.
Although I graduated, and he didn’t, we both believe in the possibilities of college.
The biggest benefit we gained was being immersed in a campus full of people with similar goals, from diverse backgrounds and cultures, and various parts of the country and world. We both collected internships that helped shape us into who we are, our work ethic, and have led us to what we do today. That first year in the dorms was transformative and where I made lasting friendships. There’s nothing like the camaraderie of all nighters with your roommate, crying and laughing about how you’re still working on your final paper, due in 3 hours and it’s 5 a.m.
Since our nephew has lived with us, going to college has been our narrative. He’s heard it, our kids have heard it. Heck, our pets have heard it. And now you’ve heard it. Why do parents repeat themselves?! Why am I THAT parent?!
But, like the adage in writing goes, show don’t tell.
Last spring, we took our nephew and his friend to tour a few northern California schools. We wanted him to have a goal marker and see what he’d be applying to if he went through the time intensive process of applying for college.
We took a 1-hour flight and stepped into university land — UC Davis, the bike college capital of the world, my alma mater. Our peppy tour guide, Christina, expertly walked backward through campus, reciting fun facts while we took in the sprawling walkways and buildings. We stopped on The Quad sprinkled with students hanging out. I whispered to our nephew that, my freshman year, Mos Def did an impromptu concert on the east side of grass. We stood there feeling the slight gusts from the normal hustle and flow of students walking across campus. Then there’s a change, a rumble in the air. Hundreds of college kids on bikes and skateboards zipped past us, through a bike circle. There’s nothing like it. If you haven’t seen it, check it out here:
In this madness, I could see the awe in my nephew’s face. The buzz was unforgettable. This is not like passing the halls between periods in high school. There’s a lot of possibilities here, and it’s obvious. He’s since visited and toured small private and large public schools across the state.
He’s excited about the prospects of university life – I think. But, for anyone who has experience with teenagers, I’m sure you can feel me when I say that sometimes it’s hard to tell. Naturally, they spend much of their time talking to friends, or in their room, or scrolling away. I wouldn’t say it’s his first choice to hang out with his middle aged aunt and uncle and spill his life’s goals. While it’s pretty typical for kids his age to keep thoughts close to the vest, I keep wondering if he truly knows what he wants.
I will say though that when your teenager tells you something, you better listen.
About a month ago, our nephew was talking to his school counselor about his class schedule. His counselor asked if we considered the prospect of community college because of the financial burden of a 4-year. Even though he has been working on college applications and researching schools for months now, he brought up something in which I truly don’t have full knowledge. We had discussed the idea of community college a few times but never fully invested in finding out more details.
So I paused. It would be a disservice to him and his future to not look at the whole picture. I need to listen and research the other narrative. Not my own.
With a quick search, I found that the cost of community college tuition near our home for two years is $3,000, so $1,500 per year. I’ve read that it could be easier to get accepted to a university of your choice with good grades from community college. He may not get the opportunities I outlined earlier. But there’s more to consider and we can explore them.
Dr. Shefali, a clinical psychologist I love to read and listen to, said, “Your child is not here to fulfill your expectations.”
Like the days when he was 15 and I sat in the passenger seat while he clocked hours to earn his drivers license, he steers the wheel. I may be on the side catching myself nervously hitting on the invisible gas and brakes but, ultimately, he needs to take us where he wants to go.
My story is incomplete and that’s why there’s a Part 2. Will you come along with me for a parental mental ride?
At the end of this week, we are meeting with his counselor about community college and trade schools. He’s still applying to 4-year universities because it’s an option, and we still believe it’s a good one. Let’s lay out all the possibilities.
I’ve been humbled by this whole process so far, for two reasons.
We are privileged to get to choose. Not many families and kids have the opportunity to choose their post-high school path. Many times the conversation stops solely due to financial restrictions. Or lack of support. My nephew has a choice, we have the financial means and have used a few resources. I’m glad we can figure it out together.
Reminder: parenting is not a projection of myself onto my kid. Dr. Shefali said (in the video above), “This is where all projection, all dysfunction, all conflict from relationships come from. From the parent putting on to the child something from way back that is a slivered sense of self. An incomplete part of them that we just automatically assume the child will want.”
Stay tuned for next week when my nephew, husband and I learn more about post-high school options. Community college, trade school, what else is possible?
I appreciate how open you are to the everchanging realities around higher education. Every student’s case is different and college isn’t for everybody, not only because it’s become incredibly expensive but also because the way we work has shifted and degrees are not as required as they once were to jumpstart and establish a success career.
I graduated from Claremont McKenna College in Claremont, CA not far from LA. I was very involved in campus life as an RA, tour guide, admission ambassador, etc. If your nephew is interested in learning more about what it’s like to attend a top liberal arts college, I would be more than happy to share my experience with him.
Your nephew also might enjoy an episode we released on The Aftergrad Podcast where we discussed this very topic: https://open.substack.com/pub/theaftergradpodcast/p/to-be-degreed-or-not-degreed-that-cc5?r=1jzwul&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web
There are pros and cons to the situation, saying this as a university research level 1 employee for 15 years and a graduate of a liberal arts college. On the financial end, college in the US is really freakin expensive. For many middle-class folks, community college and transferring units is a way to get to that eventual prestigious "4-year" degree. On the other-hand, spending time in a university setting serves as a transitional step in the socialization is important in helping to build relationships into adulthood. Sometimes transfer students have a hard time engaging into a system in which others have already made their social networks. That's not to say it's impossible to be a success as a transfer student academically and socially. It's a matter of having self-awareness and clear-mindedness about particular goals kiddo is looking to reach. Also, many schools put support systems in place to help students with so many things, including transitions as transfer or older student. Some schools are better on their outreach about these things than others though. Lots to think about. Good luck Steph!