Mental notes worth noting

recent random and rough thoughts sloshing thru the mind

My brain has been doing burpees lately. I am midway through a new treatment for my moods which brings me to a constant state of fatigue. This week, I did not show up with an essay in hand, no, it’s not a fully articulated stream of words.

They say, come as you are. Well, here I am. dis my brain dis week. A list of half-baked thoughts from this week + some important notes for future self.

• Been ordering a dish for the tater tots. That’s who I came to see. The eggs, toast and avo are fine to join as long as they don’t get in my way.

• Joked about how, if you hold your farts long enough it could trap the stink inside. But if you leave it in there, where does it go? Have we questioned all the possible reasons for bad breath? :)

• Finished faery smut recommended to me by many women.¹ I hated 98% of it. The book was insanely cheesy and angsty. I can only be mad at myself for reading all 419 pages of it.

• Are robots dictating how I feel? My bed has a sleep tracking function I never looked at before my recent treatment. I must go into a clinic every day for a month and each day the doc asks me about my sleep. My answer is convoluted because I factor in the data from the app. I can’t not look at it now that I know the technology is available for my daily question. This score did not match how I felt I slept. Who is right, me or the mattress computer?

• Was on a good run of keeping my phone far away from bed during my sleep and morning routine. Then got a stomach ache, watched Netflix in bed². Tummy troubles are gone but my new habit of phone-in-bed has stuck around. It has been inches from my head each night. Noticing an unsettled feeling because of it. It’s ever present, like a gnome stalking me while I walk through an unfamiliar forest.

• I don’t need new furniture, I can just move the ones I have to new corners of my home and it feels like newwwww.

• A woman I recently met goes to her gym’s sauna 5 days a week for 30 minutes. I have a sauna in my home. I go to it zero days a week for 12 years. It came with the house when we bought it. We used it for storage for a long time. What a luxury wasted. Not anymore. I went in the cedar room this week and it’s an amazing feature to my home. The Finnish use the sauna and live longer and have strong beating hearts. Not to self: use my nice stuff.

• Trust my intuition. If it doesn’t feel right, it’s not.

• Watched a 90s movie with my kids, called Johnny Tsunami. About a boy who lives in Hawaii and loves to surf, moves to Vermont, learns to snowboard and there’s this ridiculous part in the plot about the skiiers vs. snowboarders rivalry. It was dumb with bad acting and, for some reason, I loved it. Ate up the 90s costuming. No one dressed that way when I was growing up and, yet, the nostalgia was as good as the center of a tootsie roll pop.

• Saw a cosmic mystic psychic.³ I left the room thinking about the idea of angels circling me, protecting me. What a wonderful thought.

• Wanted a more strenuous yoga class but couldn’t get my act together to make it there on time so I attended the “slow flow” class scheduled for a later hour. I didn’t realize how jumpy my brain was until I had to be present in each pose, breath by breath. Got to slow it all down thanks to the class I thought I was settling for. Note to self: trust the path I’m on and the detours are there for a reason.

• Love comes in so many forms, sometimes it’s annoying and cute. My white goddess, Maeve, finds any sliver of opportunity to escape my house to visit our neighbors, who fostered her before we adopted her. I’m talking at least 1x a week, sometimes more. Her foster mom and I have the longest running text chain of “she’s here” and “I’m on my way to get her.”

1. A Court of Thorns and Roses by Sarah J. Maas

2. Watched Running Point. Love that Brenda Song had one of the lead roles. Cringed at how they depicted a Filipino woman in it.

3. It’s ok if you don’t know what or who that is. I don’t either.