No rest for the wicked

In opposition to all the talk about resting this season (sort of) + a reexamination of doing hard things

I have a very special skill.

I’ll give you a hint in two pics.

It’s as if a magician snaps his fingers and, voilà, I fall asleep a few seconds after I hit my head on the pillow. Like a ninja, my swift skills allow me to nap anywhere. See me now, with my head perched on my fist in a crowded train commuting to San Francisco, in my husband’s very bouncy 1984 Jeep CJ-7, and in the middle seat on a plane, no reclining needed. You can’t tell in the hammock picture above but there’s music bumping in the background at my hotel’s beach club. I’m such a pro at naps that you can catch me snoozing on the couch in the middle of a family gathering.

So it’s no surprise I am a big fan of rest. It’s winter and everyone is telling us to cocoon, do less and say no. There’s no shortage of YouTube videos, memes, and posts urging us to partake in any number of the royal Rs this season - rest, relax, renew, rebirth, rejoice. I understand the messaging. While burnout seems to be a word thrown around a lot lately, it doesn’t make it any less scary and real. I work to avoid it, after realizing I burned out a couple times over the last several years. Depression and anxiety linger in the background of my mind. I subscribe to bed rotting, quiet and loud quitting, and JOMO (joy of missing out).

When my husband got sick last week and was still unwell on Thanksgiving, I was full of dread and overwhelm. With him out of the picture, I’d have to take the kids solo and drive to my sister’s, which is a 1 hour and 30 minute drive, where we’d visit, eat (too much), and hang out. And then a few hours later I’d drive to my in-laws, another 1 hour and 30 minute drive and do the same thing again, with my husband’s family. Friends told me to just pick one. Don’t overdo it, they said. But my kids were dying to see their cousins on both sides of their family.

If you asked me the day before and morning of Thanksgiving, “what do you really want to do?” I would have told you I’d like to stay put. I wanted to skip out on the holiday altogether.

But in a shocking move for this ¹typical lazy lady, I chose to do the hard thing and trek to both families in one day.

Thinking of the day flooded me with uneasiness. I knew it would be difficult, the day would be long, and I just wanted to relax. I feared it would take a lot out of me and I’d somehow pay for it later. I thought of the chances I’d fall ill with trying to do too much and visit family with likely snots and coughs. I wondered if it would take a toll on my body and have a grip on my emotions. (By the way, was I being dramatic?! I can’t be so sure now.)

With these thoughts, I did all I could think to do. I pushed myself to reexamine my sour mood.

I thought of how I have my health, both physical and mental. I remembered that I had a successful hypnosis earlier this year to conquer my negative associations with driving. I thought of how I grew up yearning to celebrate holidays with extended family but couldn’t because of conflicting religious beliefs.

We got in my car and I spoke to myself, and I listened to a kinder inner dialogue. It was the fuel I needed.

I GET to see both sides of my family, who are the spitting image of the larger family holiday gatherings I always dreamed of as a kid.

I GET to be with my kids, who are very good with car rides.

I GET to drive.

And when I get to my in-laws…

I GET TO NAP.

It’s hard to avoid having to do the difficult things sometimes. Heck, a lot of the time! When we make hard decisions, imagine how much more palatable, or maybe even enjoyable, if we change how we view it. Do you HAVE to? Or do you GET to?

Reminder during this holiday season when things get hard, we can do hard things. We GET to do hard things!

When you’re done with the hard thing, hopefully you get to rest.

Find yourself some middle ground… “and to all a good night!”

my husband’s old Jeep, my perfect napping vehicle

---

Substack Reads: Rising Writers

This is a play on Substack Reads — a curated list of Substack articles I enjoy. My version includes authors with smaller subscriber numbers (in the hundreds).

Weirdo Poetry

is a wonderful mix of poetry and comics, two mediums I don’t think I consume enough of. I have been reading more poetry and dabbling with writing it in my journal. Jason inspires me to keep going. Join in on his comments to share your haiku!

Poetry is in the Air

Shana Minei Spence

is new to Substack and I look forward to reading more of her work as a dietician. Her latest piece releases some of the fears I’ve had with talking about food with my kids. This is a touchy subject and am eager to learn more about viewing food and nutrition in a healthy and practical way.

Words have power

1. Typical lazy lady is probably inaccurate. I am prone to the go-go-go until I drop mentality and physically. It’s a work in progress!