What I learned from screen-free September

Me, reaching for my phone.

No screens in September. 

Students and their families at my kids’ school were asked to participate in a media-free month, appropriately timed to detox us from our summer breaks that likely involved long days in front of our TVs, phones, and [insert here any blue-lit rectangular thingamabob you instantly collect your entertainment, period tracker, spy cam, etc.]

It’s not an unusual challenge since they go to a Waldorf school, which recommends its students, especially ones in younger years, experience a no or low media childhood. Their school initiated a media-free month in April, too, and I tried participating in both.

I gave myself parameters. I can look at my laptop and phone for work, which is essential for my tech PR job. Calls and texts are mostly during work hours; limit these, if possible, when I’m not working. I can watch YouTube for yoga instruction. Listening to podcasts and music are OK. 

Did I do it? No, and yes, sort of.

Here’s what I learned.

1. I failed at the mission in September. A lot. But I don’t feel like a failure. If I were to give myself a letter grade, I earned a C. While on a couple trips without my kids, I partook in a Netflix show and dabbled in cuddly cat content on YouTube. Screen-free was more like screen-some. However, consciously keeping my phone down meant I read more. I found myself sitting in silence, looking up and around me — it can be a weird sensation. I found the beauty of going for walks with my dog, no digital sounds needed. I listened to the tip taps of my pup’s feet and the woodpeckers poke through palm tree trunks. I used this time to do a breathing exercise, followed by a confidence building exercise. It’s October 3 and I’m still on a roll! In the past 30 days I became very aware of my affinity to my phone. I wasn’t perfect this time, not even close to it, but I saw the benefits of trying and doing my best to keep the phone down, and away.

2. In April, I “succeeded” but I didn’t feel like a winner. A few months before and during April, I experienced one of my lowest mental months. The anxiety and depression visitors came often and invaded. I had a hard time transitioning from looking at a screen to operating in the real world where I had to look people in the eye, hug my kids, and hold actual things in my hands. I suffered from sensory overload, likely because months prior I was on my phone way too much. Many days of this month were spent either forcing myself to walk down the hall and work, or stare at a wall or ceiling in my bed, or sleep. It was easy to be screen free, and necessary. I was also thankful during this time that I quit social media in 2019. I ended the month accomplishing the goal but I’d never choose to go back to that time again.

3. Am I Ebenezer Scrooge? My technology haunts me, like the ghosts of Christmas past, present, and future. Does it mess with you, too? In these two months, I was acutely mindful of constantly yearning to pick up my phone, and realizing my phone – more like my head – is a phantom. I wonder if someone texted me even though I didn’t hear a ding, so I pick up my phone to check. Did a client email me over the weekend even though they almost never email me on the weekend? I check, in case. Will there be an extreme weather change today even though I live in San Diego where the temps are consistently 70-80s? I check my phone anyway. The month of screen free solidarity helped me consciously decide not to check — most of the time. Also, ego check! The number of times I check my phone is nowhere close to how much someone is trying to reach me.

4. “Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.” My spirit animal, Ferris Bueller, was right. In these two months, I gave myself a chance to see what’s all around me. Not having a phone to pick up, I had to be comfortable with stillness and, in that stillness, I noticed that all kinds of cool stuff was happening around me. Clouds are really cool shape shifters. Do ants have a quota and curfews because they book it around my yard like they’re late for work in NYC. My dog’s tummy jiggles a little bit when she exhales. The overgrown eucalyptus trees in my neighborhood look like Gumby dancing at a concert.

5. “So many activities! It’s making my head spin how many activities we can do.” It’s ironic I’m quoting movies to depict my experience of purposely not watching movies. I was able to focus more, on reading, on writing in my journal, on the plate of food in front of me. Also, I started to journal about a year ago and it took me a very long time to get my hands used to the physical act of pencil grip and make words look legible. Thanks texting thumbs. My penmanship has improved, especially in these two months of writing on paper more.

Did my kids achieve the screen free challenge? Yes, my kids are also used to a low media life, which we’ve been practicing pretty regularly since my oldest began going to a Waldorf school at age 2. All the things you’ve read in those studies about kids and limiting screen time, come true for us. I know a low media home is not right for every family – this is my experience. Also, I am fortunate to have the support of our school, plus a nanny, a village to help us uphold a low media home. 

In our low tech house, my kids tend to play better. They play with each other better. They can regulate their moods better. They are more creative. They always find something to do. The “I’m bored” complaints always come up but they transition to something else, typically with ease. 

Everything about a screen free month that benefited my kids, worked for me as an adult, too.