I stopped scrolling for a month

just kidding, I don't know how to do that! + observations from offline time (no sugar coating)

the alternative to netflix

For the past 3 years my family has participated in our school’s media-free challenge: avoid screens for a month.

This meant 31 days¹ of no TV, no iPad, no screens, no YouTube, no Disney+, no video games, no social media, no nuthin.

Weekend 1 of media-free May was rough.

I was gone for the day and my husband reported two grumpy children moping around. My kids were exasperated, confused, bewildered, and announced there is NOTHING to doooooo. They hoped their dad would cave and let them sneak in some screen while the police was gone (that’s me!!! I’m the mean one!). To their dismay, the nice one did not budge.

Alas, an awakening happened. In despair, my daughter suddenly found a tree. It somehow appeared out of nowhere, in the middle of our front yard, even though it’s been there, oh, I don’t know, maybe… 8 years? She discovered all its glory. It’s climbable and swingable. She can bring her little brother along. They can eat snacks up there. Who needs Netflix when you can sit closer to the clouds?!

I told you a cute kid story but this newsletter isn’t about them. In contrast, we’re here to unpack my experience with this challenge.

It’s safe to say we’ve all read all the “I quit social media” posts. We know everyone’s a-ha moments from using their phone less. It’s better for your mental health. You live a more intentional, fulfilling, and authentic life. Lah-di-dah, good for you. I’m sure those people are basically monks now.

But for the rest of us, how is it really going?! Let me tell you.

Here are a few honest observations from offline time

#1: I’m better than you.

Nah. That’s bullshit. And don’t let anyone else who has a better grip on phone parameters let you think or feel otherwise. I guarantee you they at least go through seasons of phone dependency like we all do. Unless they live in a cave, they scroll.

Yes, there were lots of moments this month that I did not look at screens. I picked flowers, seriously, I literally stopped to smell the roses, don’t hate me. I stared outside through my windows for a scary amount of time. And I don’t know what came over me but, when I went out, I actually left my phone home on purpose multiple times.

But I also had my phone glued to my hip other times. It’s called balance, people.

#2: I’m the screen police for my kids but I need the policing more. HALP!!!

Is there a tiger mom I could hire for a 41-year-old lady? Someone come please helicopter parent me when it comes to my devices. That said, I am better with my phone today than I was years ago. It has been slow and gradual work.

For example, I no longer leisurely watch shows each night and I read books before bed instead. We keep our phones away for the most part each evening before bedtime and I just generally try not to be on my phone around my kids because I’m trying (KEY WORD TRYING) to model better behavior around my kids. I try to write stuff down more, document more things in my journal rather than the notes section of my phone.

But I’m human. I’ve got lots of one-step-forwards and two-steps back. The only social media platforms I am lured by are Substack and YouTube and I have taken these apps off my phone even before our May challenge. However, someone pull me over and give me a fat ticket because I broke the law when I realized I can view these via web browser on my phone, which is where I’ve been lurking. Looks like I’m in the two-steps-backward zone.

#3: I read a lot of books and ditched a lot of books.

People ask me how I have time to read. Well, it’s pretty simple AND extremely complicated. I make time to read. It’s a muscle I need to flex and it’s a choice. Specifically, I need to make the choice to not pick up my phone.

One strategy I have enacted to opt for books instead of digital devices is to surround myself around lots more books. Just like we toggle through different apps or platforms based on our moods and our needs and wants, we can do the same with different types of books that spark our different interests throughout the day.

In May I finished reading 3 books, I’m in the middle of 4, and I ditched 2 because who has time for books that annoy or bore you?²

Julia Cameron, you lost me on this one

#4: When I’m sad I reach for my phone first rather than reach out to family and friends.

When I’m emotionally low, I do two things that I know are counterproductive and suck for my well-being. I find somewhere to be alone and I look at my phone. It’s not great for someone like me who has a long history of depression. I was in this place on and off for about half of May. I definitely did not honor the screen-free challenge during these times.

But I also celebrate a recent mental health record this month, which is two weeks straight of feeling pretty good. During those weeks, I did not scroll and honored the challenge. One big step forward!

Do you take screen-free breaks? What are your offline observations?

+ a few relevant resources

• For offline time inspiration, I recommend

  Lee Tilghman
  who writes about her dreams of reaching millions through IG and how it left her “feeling empty, alone, and more lost than ever.” She writes about offline things she does each week. Read more at
  Offline Time
  .

• If you’re a parent, curious about social media and what it’s doing to our kids and how to approach it with your kids, I recommend this podcast interview with

  Jonathan Haidt
  who writes
  After Babel
  and if you want to dissect it more, he writes about it in depth here: Yes, Social Media Really Is a Cause of the Epidemic of Teenage Mental Illness.

• If you want to find ways to read more, I recommend

  Petya K. Grady
  and her newsletter A Reading Life. She makes great book recs and shares how she achieves reading so dang much.

I wrote about a past screen-free month:

What I learned from screen-free September

And the dumb dopamine of social media:

Why can't we quit Instagram?

1. We cheated and started on May 2 and ended on May 30. We’re rebels!

2.

Cody Cook-Parrott

led a group of wonderful folks who read Living the Artist’s Way together and I so wanted to continue reading and participating but this book annoyed me too much. If I had to read one more time about her air conditioning complaints, I was going to throw the book at someone!