is it poking fun or is it just fun? + an invitation to be honest with ourselves, our relationship with race and language, and why we act and think the way we do
You've given me so much to think about with this one. When I think about my own family, we do joke about the words that Filipinos mispronounce or mix up, in what I'd always thought of as an affectionate way. Your post reminded me of how my mom and grandma would always say, "close the light". My brother, cousins and I will say it to each other sometimes as a family inside joke. I think on some level, my mom was probably self-conscious of her accent and of mixing up her words like that. She never told us directly and would laugh when we teased her but it's little things, like her joining Toastmasters at work, that make me think she was probably a little self-conscious of how she spoke. Your post makes me want to ask her now.
Yes yes. I was actually thinking of you when I wrote this and wondered what you would think! I also think our backgrounds are so specific and similar. I remember I said close the light when I first met my husband he was like wtf?! And we also still laugh about it. To be honest, I was afraid to ask my mom because I was scared she said yes it does hurt. But when she said no, I had thought about it so much by that point I couldn’t just leave the answer as is. I had to keep thinking about it! If you ask your mom, will you let me know what she says? I’m so curious.
This is funny! We say "close the lights" too in Malaysia. I always thought it's a Chinese translation but actually I think it's also the for the Malays. So hey maybe "close the light" is the correct terminology instead! :)
I love this! The connotations of language can be so complex. My boyfriend frequently imitates the Polish accent of his parents and relatives. It comes from the same instinct that all of us children have to imitate our parents, I think. But I too have noticed distinctions in why and how we imitate others. Perhaps to avoid crossing lines, we shouldn’t imitate at all. Then again, I think so much richness would be lost in the stories we tell about the lives we share together. It’s very complex!
Wow every single point you made is exactly where my head was at. I can see both ways. But the hurtful side of it keeps popping up. I do also think the part of the story and illustrating the rice people in them is thru accent. Gah, the nuances! It keeps poking at me!
I guess I think intent is what matters most. But man, you've got to step lightly when it comes to imitating accents. So much of the meaning is in the context! I'm used to very international contexts where accents are a frequent topic of conversation/comparison so imitation is not a big deal. But I can see how if someone is in a very local context where they're the only one who sounds different, pointing out/imitating their accent is a form of ostracization by default.
This makes me think because my dad has a Jamaican accent that my mom and I would tease about imitating him in a joking way. I also know so many kids of Caribbean parents who imitate their parents’ accents but if someone on the outside did that, it would have an offensive tone. I think for me, it boils down to nuance and individual situations.
I agree. Nuance and intent and every example is so specific and personal. I will say though, since processing and writing this, I am drawn to not doing it. I appreciate you coming here to give your personal experience!
I have a lot to say but I also don't even know where to start. But thank you for unpacking this with us because I am sure so many of us can relate to this. You've given us a lot to think about.
Thanks Jenna. It’s soooooo much to think about. I didn’t even include a few more points. I don’t know. It’s so personal. And I wrote it because I thought it would be helpful for people to take a moment to think about it too which I think has happened.
The only accent I exhibit is the Boston one and I hate when others pick up on it. Whenever I watch a movie based in Boston and I hear the thick accent, I think they sound so dumb. And I’m like, “no way we sound like THAT, right?” But some of us do. And I actually do enjoy the humor in poking fun at different accents.
And I don’t run on Dunks. I’m a Starbucks gal so I am a cheater! 😅
I appreciate the work you put into carefully dissecting this though. The fine line of when it may be inappropriate, slightly offensive or disrespectful.
I love reading about your family’s history each time you bring them to the page. Keep digging into these important questions. I feel like the more we write about our past and childhood the more we peel back our unique circuitry.
Oh, Stephanie. I teared up at the idea that your mom was afraid to answer the phone for fear of not being understood. 💔 I'm so glad that you have broached this subject because it's something I've wondered about in my writing about friends and family members with accents. I think that voice/accent is an important characteristic that defines us and makes us unique. When telling a story or writing about a person, if you take away their accent, I think it robs them of their personality a bit. I have a friend who is Indian and British and his parents came from India. He teaches memoir writing and he did a reading where he imitated his parent's accents in dialogue. Someone in the audience asked if he felt that was perpetuating a stereotype and he said, "I don't know. Maybe I shouldn't do the accent, but that's how my parents sound." I think it's a really excellent topic to explore. Perhaps it really is the intent behind the imitation. Is it to paint an accurate portrait of a person, or is it to make fun of them.
I really value this comment, Hilary! This example of your friend’s reading was so insightful. Everyone has their own experience with it. I think a lot of first-generation kids may find themselves in this conundrum. I honestly didn’t think anything of it until I wrote that initial piece a few weeks ago. It really opened up a lot of stuff for me. Much of it, like this topic, I didn’t want to face and I couldn’t stop thinking about it. I think your last line is so true and I also think it’s something a lot of us may not want to face: “Perhaps it really is the intent behind the imitation. Is it to paint an accurate portrait of a person, or is it to make fun of them.”
IMHO, the only time you can use an accent fully is if you’re an actor and playing a role without being offensive. Or do you mean dialect? I do find myself speaking differently when I’m talking to other women between, say, 30-50 than I would with someone older or younger. Especially if they’re from similar communities (I read my book to some kids at my alma mater and several faculty were in their 30s-40s. I found myself talking like I was a character in Clueless or Legally Blonde). I didn’t grow up watching imported Canto TV so I don’t really have the baby voice (whinyish) that young women on those shows tend to have (I call it HK Valley Girl. It’s like the opposite of vocal fry). I heard a lot of that in high school, especially with boarders!
But if you’d like to know, this is what I sound like:
Another thing, a race (not a fan of that term, anyway…it’s never accurate) doesn’t have an accent (nor does an ethnicity). It’s a culture that does. Think AAVE (or whatever the preferred term is). It sounds nothing like an immigrant from Nigeria’s accent. But said immigrant’s kids might speak AAVE, or they might speak “standard American.” Your culture isn’t exactly the same as your immigrant parents’ just by where you spent your childhood.
I come from Malaysia and accent is our thing! We have Chinese, Malay, Indian and all the other indigenous languages accents, and then we mix them all up and make a new language - manglish (Malaysian-English). I turn to this default accent once I speak to my old friends and families or when I'm back in Malaysia. This of course doesn't answer your question, and I also do not have one for you. But I won't be offended if other people use manglish with us. But sometimes I do cringe when I hear really thick accents of my own kind, though I'm ashamed to admit, as this shows I am also drawing a line somewhere, and I am being judgmental. Ah, this question is a difficult one!
You've given me so much to think about with this one. When I think about my own family, we do joke about the words that Filipinos mispronounce or mix up, in what I'd always thought of as an affectionate way. Your post reminded me of how my mom and grandma would always say, "close the light". My brother, cousins and I will say it to each other sometimes as a family inside joke. I think on some level, my mom was probably self-conscious of her accent and of mixing up her words like that. She never told us directly and would laugh when we teased her but it's little things, like her joining Toastmasters at work, that make me think she was probably a little self-conscious of how she spoke. Your post makes me want to ask her now.
Yes yes. I was actually thinking of you when I wrote this and wondered what you would think! I also think our backgrounds are so specific and similar. I remember I said close the light when I first met my husband he was like wtf?! And we also still laugh about it. To be honest, I was afraid to ask my mom because I was scared she said yes it does hurt. But when she said no, I had thought about it so much by that point I couldn’t just leave the answer as is. I had to keep thinking about it! If you ask your mom, will you let me know what she says? I’m so curious.
I'll ask her the next time I see her!
This is funny! We say "close the lights" too in Malaysia. I always thought it's a Chinese translation but actually I think it's also the for the Malays. So hey maybe "close the light" is the correct terminology instead! :)
I love this! The connotations of language can be so complex. My boyfriend frequently imitates the Polish accent of his parents and relatives. It comes from the same instinct that all of us children have to imitate our parents, I think. But I too have noticed distinctions in why and how we imitate others. Perhaps to avoid crossing lines, we shouldn’t imitate at all. Then again, I think so much richness would be lost in the stories we tell about the lives we share together. It’s very complex!
Wow every single point you made is exactly where my head was at. I can see both ways. But the hurtful side of it keeps popping up. I do also think the part of the story and illustrating the rice people in them is thru accent. Gah, the nuances! It keeps poking at me!
I guess I think intent is what matters most. But man, you've got to step lightly when it comes to imitating accents. So much of the meaning is in the context! I'm used to very international contexts where accents are a frequent topic of conversation/comparison so imitation is not a big deal. But I can see how if someone is in a very local context where they're the only one who sounds different, pointing out/imitating their accent is a form of ostracization by default.
This makes me think because my dad has a Jamaican accent that my mom and I would tease about imitating him in a joking way. I also know so many kids of Caribbean parents who imitate their parents’ accents but if someone on the outside did that, it would have an offensive tone. I think for me, it boils down to nuance and individual situations.
I agree. Nuance and intent and every example is so specific and personal. I will say though, since processing and writing this, I am drawn to not doing it. I appreciate you coming here to give your personal experience!
I have a lot to say but I also don't even know where to start. But thank you for unpacking this with us because I am sure so many of us can relate to this. You've given us a lot to think about.
Thanks Jenna. It’s soooooo much to think about. I didn’t even include a few more points. I don’t know. It’s so personal. And I wrote it because I thought it would be helpful for people to take a moment to think about it too which I think has happened.
The only accent I exhibit is the Boston one and I hate when others pick up on it. Whenever I watch a movie based in Boston and I hear the thick accent, I think they sound so dumb. And I’m like, “no way we sound like THAT, right?” But some of us do. And I actually do enjoy the humor in poking fun at different accents.
And I don’t run on Dunks. I’m a Starbucks gal so I am a cheater! 😅
I appreciate the work you put into carefully dissecting this though. The fine line of when it may be inappropriate, slightly offensive or disrespectful.
I love reading about your family’s history each time you bring them to the page. Keep digging into these important questions. I feel like the more we write about our past and childhood the more we peel back our unique circuitry.
Haha Dunkin’! I’m forever ruined (or grateful?!) for snl to shed some Boston steretypes on me via accent. Oh and also The Heat. Love that movie.
I’m glad you enjoy reading about my family. I enjoy thinking about them more and learning more too.
Oh, Stephanie. I teared up at the idea that your mom was afraid to answer the phone for fear of not being understood. 💔 I'm so glad that you have broached this subject because it's something I've wondered about in my writing about friends and family members with accents. I think that voice/accent is an important characteristic that defines us and makes us unique. When telling a story or writing about a person, if you take away their accent, I think it robs them of their personality a bit. I have a friend who is Indian and British and his parents came from India. He teaches memoir writing and he did a reading where he imitated his parent's accents in dialogue. Someone in the audience asked if he felt that was perpetuating a stereotype and he said, "I don't know. Maybe I shouldn't do the accent, but that's how my parents sound." I think it's a really excellent topic to explore. Perhaps it really is the intent behind the imitation. Is it to paint an accurate portrait of a person, or is it to make fun of them.
I really value this comment, Hilary! This example of your friend’s reading was so insightful. Everyone has their own experience with it. I think a lot of first-generation kids may find themselves in this conundrum. I honestly didn’t think anything of it until I wrote that initial piece a few weeks ago. It really opened up a lot of stuff for me. Much of it, like this topic, I didn’t want to face and I couldn’t stop thinking about it. I think your last line is so true and I also think it’s something a lot of us may not want to face: “Perhaps it really is the intent behind the imitation. Is it to paint an accurate portrait of a person, or is it to make fun of them.”
I personally find all accents charming and I don't think there is an answer to your question. Just keep being you.
Thank you Dona! You always have something lovely to say even in just a couple sentences.
Thanks for working this out with us. It’s important to ask ourselves hard questions! ❤️
Yes! So many hard questions I had trouble answering! And then brought up even more questions!
IMHO, the only time you can use an accent fully is if you’re an actor and playing a role without being offensive. Or do you mean dialect? I do find myself speaking differently when I’m talking to other women between, say, 30-50 than I would with someone older or younger. Especially if they’re from similar communities (I read my book to some kids at my alma mater and several faculty were in their 30s-40s. I found myself talking like I was a character in Clueless or Legally Blonde). I didn’t grow up watching imported Canto TV so I don’t really have the baby voice (whinyish) that young women on those shows tend to have (I call it HK Valley Girl. It’s like the opposite of vocal fry). I heard a lot of that in high school, especially with boarders!
But if you’d like to know, this is what I sound like:
https://open.spotify.com/episode/2tVQwKAu1ajeKm7kPmUaH2?si=5cw83WPeRsOBN3_sJSsZXw
Oh yes it is interesting how we find ourselves speaking in a certain way based on our audience.
Another thing, a race (not a fan of that term, anyway…it’s never accurate) doesn’t have an accent (nor does an ethnicity). It’s a culture that does. Think AAVE (or whatever the preferred term is). It sounds nothing like an immigrant from Nigeria’s accent. But said immigrant’s kids might speak AAVE, or they might speak “standard American.” Your culture isn’t exactly the same as your immigrant parents’ just by where you spent your childhood.
I come from Malaysia and accent is our thing! We have Chinese, Malay, Indian and all the other indigenous languages accents, and then we mix them all up and make a new language - manglish (Malaysian-English). I turn to this default accent once I speak to my old friends and families or when I'm back in Malaysia. This of course doesn't answer your question, and I also do not have one for you. But I won't be offended if other people use manglish with us. But sometimes I do cringe when I hear really thick accents of my own kind, though I'm ashamed to admit, as this shows I am also drawing a line somewhere, and I am being judgmental. Ah, this question is a difficult one!